The Emerald-eyed Snake Charmer
by Beg457
Summary: Harry, an immortal Master of Death, is completely and utterly done with his current dimension(too boring he says) So, with the help of his constant companion Death, he'll travel to a new dimension filled with super heroes... Mostly Crackfic!
1. Prologue

Chapter 1:Boredom

 **A.N. Chello! Beg457 Here with my First Story Ever Published. Please Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: Anything you see/read that you recognize ain't mine. Harry Potter is the property of J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros. With the Avengers also currently belonging to Marvel Entertainment and Disney(?) Also,** **I'm poor as hell. So please don't even try to sue me. (〒︿〒)**

 **Also, WARNING: APPROACH WITH EXTREME CAUTION: EXPOSITION DUMP AHEAD!**

Harry was on the mere brink of Boredom. An emotion that the immortal Master of Death loathed beyond any conceivable measure. Because the last time he was bored, he started a Polar Bear and Penguin _revolution_ against the humans, who, at the time, were melting the polar ice caps and making Global Warming a very-much-not-needed reality.

Once Harry realized that Global Warming wasn't stopping and was instead getting stronger with every season. He devised an ingenious plan to stop it (Or rather, that's what he told himself and others. In reality he was just really bored at that point in his life). He went to the Poles and gave _each_ and _every single_ Penguin and Polar Bear an inhuman amount of intelligence. After quickly showing these new animals just what to do with this new intelligence and why, he put them all into his very own Army.

A few days later and Harry had the _unstoppable_ Army of the Poles. The poor humans didn't even stand a chance! It only took 5 years for the Army of the Poles to conquer the _entire world. Plus,_ these animals were so much smarter than their rather stupid predecessors, that they didn't seem to think too selfishly, but rather, more about the BIG picture in life. Leading to a minuscule amount of corruption tainting the government.

But that also might be the rather harsh penalty given to those found traitorous towards the state. Death, followed by a sucky afterlife, because when you're the Master of Death you can make things happen.

After a while of being a major figure head in his dictatorship, Harry decided he was bored with ruling over his mostly happy and completely compliant subjects. So to remedy this problem, he combed through his entire Army and picked the next great leaders(A Polar Bear named Fred and a Penguin named Pongo). Then created a True Democracy, where the people, Polar Bears, and penguins would pick their Supreme Rulers. Afterwords the Immortal faded into the background of history. Never really mentioned again.

Less than a decade after that, Global Warming ceased to exist and Fred+Pongo were the Supreme Rulers of their respective hemispheres. World Peace was finally achieved a year later. Then the Supreme Rulers of the _entire_ Planet decided to clean all the oil spills(which took a few decades) and plant a lot more trees, and when I say a lot, I mean _**A LOT.**_ Harry was almost worried that a second oxygen epidemic would hit the Earth.

Fast forward a few thousand years. The Polar Bears and Penguins were overthrown by the humans(Harry wasn't sure why at the time)and Earth was _literally_ Paradise itself on a bad day, compared to the shit-show it used to be thousands of years ago. Even _with_ the humans back in power. All thanks to Harry.

That's what happened when Harry was bored.

Great. Now he was bored again.

Because the _Apocalypse or_ [better yet] _the Armageddon_ had started a few years ago. Some dimwitted imbecile decided to use some of the hidden Atomic bombs he found buried in a forgotten part of what used to be the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico. Because in his moronic eyes, the world was just _too_ perfect. The after-math led to a Zombie Apocalypse.

An Atomic Zombie Apocalypse.

After few years of watching people getting brutally slaughtered and/or eaten by(which in Harry's personal opinion was finally starting to get old by now)Atomic Zombies, Harry decided to have a little fun of his own.

Using a little necromancy, he recreated his own _Zombie_ Army of the Poles and attacked the Atomic Zombies(while the regular people stood on the sidelines and watched. Or they were being eaten alive. Harry still wasn't completely sure which). Soon a full blown Zombie war broke out. It was... an experience to say the least.

Once the Zombie war had finally ended(which he won, who did you think this was?) Harry realized the Atomic Zombies had killed and eaten everyone while he was fighting in the Zombie War and now the Earth was an atomic wasteland. The cause of Harry's boredom.

So Harry did what he should have done hundreds of years ago but instead made a Ant/Arctic Revolution.

He called for Death.

"DEEEEAAAATH! I NEED YOU!" Harry screamed into the toxic air and throughout the entirety of the cosmos [somehow].

A few seconds later a handsome, pale man appeared. He had black, shoulder length hair that fell like straight curtains onto his black T-shirt with a Gothic white skull on the front. He had a simple navy blue hoodie on over it. He wore it with baggy, black denim, jeans while a crown of white carnations adorned his head. The man was currently, somehow casually leaning on a giant 12 ft. tall scythe. He was tall, about half the height of his scythe. His eyes were completely blank of any interesting emotion and were the color of true Darkness. They even seemed to suck the light from the room. The man had a regal yet scruffy charm about him. All in all, the man would have earned a dozen fangirls every minute. If they were alive.

At least Harry believed they were, considering high pitched screeching could be heard behind Death. Unless they were Fangirl Ghosts, which was the more likely answer. The Immortal looked behind the Supreme Deity, wondering if he could find the Ghosts.

Death's black eyes, which were showing boredom to the highest degree, lazily looked over at Harry with annoyance. Most of it aimed at his "fans" but a substantial amount was aimed at Harry.

"You called, **_Master?"_** The Supreme Deity asked, putting on a unnecessarily seductive tone just because he could.

"Yep, I did. As you can see, the entire Earth is destroyed, and I'm kinda bored with the aftermath." Harry said distractedly, still searching for the _still_ screeching ghosts, easily ignoring the tone and its implications with experience.

"Huh. I can see that. It's quite obvious." Replied the Supreme Deity of Death itself, looking around the wasteland with indifference. The Supreme Deity idly kicked a dead bush and watched as it turned into a Tumbleweed. He also banished the Ghosts for good measure. A good Fangirl, was a dead-and-banished Fangirl.

"Well... Can you at least help me get rid of my boredom? Pretty please with a cherry on top" Harry asked Death(more like whined), making sure he gave him the Puppy-Dog-Eyes No Jutsu. An effective Jutsu capable of terrifying feats.

Feeling their persuasive powers Death checked the pockets of his jeans for anything. After a few minutes of rummaging around, he found something.

"Uhhhhh... I have Zathura." Death said, pulling out a battered board game with a space ship on the cover. The board game itself looking _way too big_ to fit in some jean pockets.

"No thank you, I just want to get rid of my boredom, not put the world in a black hole or something. But I _guess_ that could be entertaining for a little while.."

"Forget I even asked." More rummaging...

"Jumanji?" Death asked, now holding up a board game with a jungle scene on the cover.

"What if I rolled a 5 or an 8 and Robin Williams came out and he died because of the toxic air? I WOULD HAVE LITERALLY KILLED ROBIN WILLIAMS! HOW COULD I LIVE WITH MYSELF THEN?!" Harry shouted at the Supreme Deity, already starting to sniffle at the mere thought of doing something so dastardly.

"All right! All right! No Jumanji! How about Scrabble?" Death said hastily, waving the board game in front of the wizard's face like it could magically make Harry feel better.

"But your terrible at that." Harry sniffed.

"Chess?"

"You always beat me with some tactic from the Middle Ages I'm 75% sure you made up." Harry huffed with a tiny smile, feeling better anyways.

"Ahhh.. But you still can't prove that I made it up, eh?"

"Death. I'm getting bored-er." Harry said, amused with his deity's antics.

"And let it flood in Hell the day I make sure you remain bored." Death said back, before sitting down on the rock next to the wizard. Harry followed suit.

The two immortal beings fell into a comfortable silence as a bush somehow _casually_ imploded on itself next to them.

"I've got it." Death announced as he looked away from where the bush used to be.

"Really? What is it?" Harry asked, his eyes shining with hope.

"What do you think about... Inter Dimensional Space and Time Travel?" Death asked hesitantly.

"Huh? What is this Inter Dimensional Time Travel? Sounds complicated."

"It's pretty self-exploratory. You basically do this ritual and "BAM!" your on your way to a new dimension!" Death said happily.

" _Still_ sounds a little complicated Death." Harry replied uncertainly.

"Aww. Come on, it won't be _that_ complicated. See, all you have to do is..."

{Here Death made a complex and extremely long, convoluted explanation that took 3 hours. Let's just say it involved some spiritual and sciencey "Power of The Plot" Mumbo-jumbo}

"And _that_ is how you teleport between dimensions." Death finished.

"Wait. Do I eat the cat before the rat or after the scorpion?" Harry asked, still kind of confused.

"After the scorpion and before the bat. _Obviously_ , what kind of psycho are you." Death said, like eating cats, bats, rats, and scorpions are normal.

"OK. But where do I get a lion?"

* * *

 _ **Two Days, a Rescued Robin Williams, and a Game of Jumanji Later...**_

"Finally! I got them all. I got all of the ingredients. Even that stupid sword Excalibur and that freaky little bat! Sure showed that scorpion who was boss as well! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *cough* *cough* AHA HAHA!" Harry exclaimed before laughing manically.

The Immortal was standing on a runic circle with a diameter of a hundred feet the color of blood. In fact, it was blood. Atomic Zombie blood to be specific. Every few feet you could see an "ingredient" on some podium covered in runes made with Harry's own blood. And in the middle stood Harry. His black cloak dripping with blood(some his own, most not), emerald-crazed eyes cutting through the apocalyptic red-tainted darkness like a cat. Yet he was still wearing that smug smile like he was in on some private joke you weren't in on.

His mad-crazed eyes then seemed to focus on something in the distance as Harry's grin turned absolutely sadistic.

"Now all I need is a deity who will follow my every command to give me permission and power for the ritual." Harry looked intensely at the spot of the shivering form of _something_ hiding behind a bush. A few hundred feet away.

The giant scythe was telling though.

" _Ohhhhh...Deeeeaaaath. I need you."_ Harry called out in the most chilling child-like voice he could manage. A voice so creepy, a random Zombie who was on the brink of the Earth's surface, immediately started digging back under the earth to escape an obvious death sentence .

"Please Master, have mercy. I thought you would use Fate not me..." Death whimpered behind the bush before it imploded on itself. He quickly gripped his scythe like a life line, knowing there was no use left in fighting and if he was going down, his scythe was going down with him.

"Ahhhhh... but you see. I want someone I'm actually friends with to come with me. As you know, Fate is a bit of a bitch, quite frankly. Sssssoo you be coming with me Death. Oh. And your new name in the next dimension is now... Señor Muerte." Harry said matter-of-factly.

Here Death stopped shivering and had already accepted his fate(I will kill you when I find you Fate!), and just looked at his master with the most 'Are-you-shitting-me?' Look.

"Really. Master how original can you get." The newly dubbed Senor Muerte said sarcastically.

"Well how about Sammy."

"No." Sammy said.

"How about Thanotos?"

"No."

"Kyle?"

"No."

"Scalabis."

"No."

"Mumble."

"Like the penguin?"

"No, the pangolin."

"Still no."

"Lucife R."

"Amusing but no."

"How about Fluffles Mcstuffins."

"God no."

"What about Mrs. Robins-

"No! Can't I just pick my own name?" Death exclaimed dramatically.

"Sure, why not take the fun out of everything." Harry huffed before sulking in the corner. Well, some random rock in a apocalyptic wasteland, with few random Atomic Zombie Animals, can totally count as a corner. Right?

Death sat back down onto the grainy infertile soil, thinking long and hard about his name. After a bit of silent contemplation, Death finally picked a name.

"How about Izinyö?" The now officially named Izinyö asked the no longer sulking man in front of him.

Said man looked thoughtful for a second. "Huh. I like it. Sounds mysterious. You know, I once met a Kitsune with the same name once. We took over an entire Universe together."

"Ok then..."

"Yeah, we even made an Intergalactic Tofu Day!" Harry said joyfully.

Death just carefully nodded to his crazy master. Who now had a Giant Glowey Sword. Just when did his master get a Giant Glowey Sword? Why didn't he _NOTICE_ him with a GOSH DANG sword!?

"Now that that name business is out of the way, it's time to catch our ride which is coming in Three...Two...ONE!" Harry shouted before plunging Excalibur(A Giant Glowey Sword) into the exact middle of the Inter Dimensional Space and Time travel runic circle. He quickly grabbed Izinyö's hand before the deity could try and escape. Then he got out a living and flopping salmon he grabbed from thin air, offering it to the heavens while screaming the magic words...

"INTER DIMENSIONAL SPACE AND TIME TRAVEL TAXI!"

They disappeared with an almost inaudible pop.

 **A.N. LOVE IT? HATE IT? WISH YOU COULD SHOVE IT DOWN MY THROAT AND HOPE TO CHOKE ME TO DEATH WITH IT? In all seriousness though, PLEEEAAASSEEE tell me what I did wrong so I can improve on it and not make the same mistakes. Constructive Criticism will always be very much welcomed here. I'm a strong believer of the phrase "The First Step to Fixing a Problem is Acknowledging the Problem." Also, in case you're wondering, Izinyö is something I made up completely while messing around with letter characters on my phone. It also might mean "Fang" in another language, I don't really trust Google Translate that much...**

 **Also Robin Williams is safe and sound in a different galaxy and isn't important to the plot in any shape or form.**

 **Well...**

 _Arrivederci!_

 _Edited on December 24th for a more enjoyable chapter._


	2. On The Road To Freedom!

Chapter 2: Death and Harry Travel Through Dimensions.

 **Chello! Beg457 here with the new chapter. I spent a few days working on this when I had the chance. All I have to say is THANK YOU ALL FOR ALL THIS _POSITIVE_ _SUPPORT!_ It really means a lot to me. Of course, Read, Comment, and as always, try to Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own anything. So please don't sue me. (๑・v・๑)**

 **WARNING: EXPOSITION AVALANCHES ARE COMMON IN THIS AREA! ALSO BEWARE OF DANGEROUS AMOUNTS OF DIALOGUE!**

 _ **RECAP:Harry and Izinyö vanished with an almost inaudible** **"POP"**_

 **"FREAKING PIECE OF SHIT!"** Izinyö shrieked as he was pulled into the runic circle with Harry. He could only watch in wide eyed horror as Harry slammed the legendary sword (that the Supreme Deity could've _sworn_ Harry _didn't_ have only a few seconds ago) into the center of the runic circle.

Almost instantaneously, Izinyö was assaulted with the sensation of being stretched, compressed, upside down, sideways, spinning, floating, and falling at the same time. Plus a bunch of...what Izinyö could only possibly believe was the love child of a diamond and a thousand strobe lights, were shoved straight into his eyeballs. All in all, Izinyö was starting to feel extremely sick with this whole Inter Dimensional Space and Time Travel Portal-thingy. Physically and metaphorically.

As Izinyö started to wonder if Death himself could actually have a seizure, he felt the "Overwhelming" sensations die down to "Horribly Unbearable". Pretty soon he felt a tug on his arm, and then the feeling of just free falling straight down. While the lights bounced around in his eyes, he felt his little meat sack get slammed into a cushion that felt remarkably like a body, then, darkness.

* * *

 _"Izinyö~"_

" _Izinyö!"_

 _"IZINYÖ!"_

"IZINYÖ!"

 **"IZINYÖ!"**

"THAT WAS _MAGGIE'S_ HOMEWORK MRS. JEFFERSON!" Izinyö bolted up in his seat, yelling at the non-existent teacher.

Harry blinked. Then he smiled.

"Okay. What just happened Harr-" Izinyö started, before being pulled into a bone-crushing hug.

"Your finally awake! You have no _idea_ just how worried I've been!" Harry gushed out, all the while hugging the poor Deity close to him.

"Believe it or not Harry, even Death might want to **breath** every once in a while!" Izinyö wheezed, still trying to get his bearings and fighting the vicious headache attacking him.

"Oh, sorry! I was _scared,_ though! You weren't being responsive, and then you kept on muttering absolute _nonsense._ Stuff like how you "Did do my homework you old hag!" It was strange, I didn't even _know_ you went to school. So I thought maybe you were just having a vivid dream, or even some sort of weird Deity-Stroke. Then that lead to me thinking maybe you were **_dying,_** because I don't understand how Dimension Travel works. Maybe such a thing needs an epic sacrifice." Harry said, beside himself at this point. Frantically waving his arms all over the place, as if he thought the more elaborate his hand gestures the more he could explain his rather hectic behavior.

"Ok, there's a few things wrong there Harry, because I'm the Original Death, so no dying for me until all the other Deaths are dead, which is practically impossible at this point. No, I don't get strokes either, so don't even ask that."

Harry closed his mouth with an audible pop before opening again to ask-

"Yes, I did go to school but that was a long time ago when I still hung out with Fate," Izinyö chuckled a bit at Harry's face when he mentioned Fate, the immortal _hated_ the deity with a passion. Granted almost _everyone_ hated that deity with a passion.

"Anyway, She told me that I couldn't stay in a 3rd grade classroom for a week before I killed someone. I told that bit-uh her, I told her that I had way more self-control than that," Izinyö glared at Harry's skeptical look at his claim.

"So, in response to that, she asked me if I would make a bet with her. Long story short, she manipulated me into getting an almost Deaf _and_ Blind lady with an attitude called Mrs. Jefferson as my 3rd grade teacher. Somehow I won the bet, and she had to do my paper work for the next 50 millennia of my choosing."

"Oh."

"Yeah.. Fate has hated me ever since." Izinyö sighed.

All of a sudden Izinyö felt his body lurch forward and a muffled animalistic growl was heard in front of him.

"Harry..."

"Yes Izinyö?" Harry answered happily.

"Just, where are we exactly?" Izinyö asked hesitantly.

"We're in The Inter Dimensional Space and Time Taxi™ Izinyö. Didn't you already know that? I thought I screamed it pretty loud a few hours ago..." Harry replied, giving Izinyö an Are-you-sure-your-fine look.

"I'm _fine_ Harry. Can you please just tell me what happened. I'm really confused and I have a terrible headache, and again, it's not a stroke!" Izinyö glared while rubbing his head for emphasis

"Why didn't you just tell me you had a headache Izinyö!" Harry exclaimed before reaching into the pockets in his cloak, where he quickly took out a small, green vial.

"Here," Harry handed the vial over. "This is for your not-stroke."

"Thank you, Harry." Izinyö muttered stiffly as he knocked back the vial. When the room stopped spinning he realized he wasn't actually in a room but rather the inside of a car instead. He looked around curiously, taking in the surroundings.

The seat he was sitting on was a rather plush black leather. The cabbie was big enough to comfortably seat 3 rather large people in the back, which was separated from the driver and passenger seat by a tinted window. He could even hear the faint sound of "Highway to Hell" from where he sat in his seat.

Izinyö shook his head of such thoughts and looked towards Harry for some answers.

"So, what happened while I was out Harry." Izinyö asked calmly.

"Okay. So you remember how I did the ritual?"

"Yes..." Izinyö replied uncertainly.

"So, after we did the whole transportation-thingy, we ended up on a highway in the middle of Nowhere, Quadrant 4, Galaxy X. You, of course, fell on top of me and broke my entire spinal column," The immortal nodded at Izinyö's wince."I actually had to lie _still_ for 5 _WHOLE_ minutes to heal my back. Just my back! You had no idea how long I had to lay there before I could push your unconscious self off of me."

Harry then brought out a tiny booklet with small gold font on the cover.

 **"Dimension Travel For Nitwits, Dummies, and Neanderthals."**

"Then I got out the manual on how to do this crazy stuff, because I couldn't remember what you said, and saw what I did wrong. You won't _believe_ what went wrong Izinyö. With all those "ingredients", _**guess** which one_ was the one that threw the whole ritual off." Harry asked unpleasantly.

Izinyö took a wild guess. "Uhh... The scorpion?"

"No... You know how I brought out that salmon near the end?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, I remember that, mostly because it just seemed so random." Izinyö replied with a certain nod.

"Well, the stupid salmon is _supposed_ to be _grilled_ Izinyö, _not_ all raw and alive and floppy. You could've mentioned something important like that _earlier."_ Harry said with an added pointed look at said Supreme Deity.

 _"Oh, I'm so **sorry**_ _for not knowing such an important detail like that Harry!"_ Izinyö hissed, a little ticked that Harry seemed to suspect him of fowlplay. _Him,_ of all the Deities!

Harry gave Izinyö the stink-eye before just taking the apology.

 _"Anyways_ , I got myself a new salmon for the ritual and you won't _believe_ how I got it."

"How, Harry." Izinyö asked with an exasperated eye roll.

"Okay, since you asked so _nicely."_ Harry muttered sarcastically.

"I don't need the sass when your trying to tell stories Harry." Izinyö replied with an _extremely_ degrading(who knows how he accomplished that)eye roll. Apparently Death is a master of eye rolls.

"Fine, picture this... There we were, sitting on the side of the road. Well, I guess _I_ was sitting, _you on the other hand,_ were passed out, and once in awhile, waking up delirious, to throw up, then you would go back to passing out right afterwards. It was pretty disgusting all things considered. Honestly, I didn't even know someone could even _have_ that much food in their stomach."

"Thanks...Harry."

"Anyways, we were in the desert, would've been dying by the heat if I wasn't a wizard and you weren't Death, until I saw something unbelievable. Something even I've never seen before, and that's _saying something,_ because I've _probably_ seen it all. But, this _something_ made even _me_ wonder if I did the cooling spell wrong and heat stroke was effecting me. Because out in the distance was a **GIANT _BIPEDAL_ SALMON!" ** Harry exclaimed, excited about being able to finally tell Izinyö this part.

Izinyö made a strangled noise from the back of his throat.

"I know, right? It's unbelievable! It was just standing out there, I think about 30 ft. high on its hind fins. It had a gigantic maw filled with serrated, yellow, red-stained teeth. Those were what I believe to be about 7 inches long. With hundreds of those monsters in its mouth, I knew I was about to have a bit of a scuffle on my hands. Though, for the sake of honesty, I'll tell you that I was tempted to throw you into it's mouth as a distraction, _aannd_ to see what would happen if Death himself got eaten by a fish..."

"..." Izinyö just stared at Harry like a statue. Completely and utterly unresponsive.

"Yeah... Sorry, about that, but you can't really blame me, I mean you have an unconscious Supreme Deity, a giant mutant Salmon that shouldn't even exist, and _me_. I'm surprised that I _didn't_ do anything, but instead only thought about it." Harry defended, mentally giving himself a pat on the back for his "excellent" defense. Phoenix Wright would be proud.

"I guess I have to give you _some_ credit for that..." Izinyö muttered to himself.

"Exactly!" Harry said happily, hearing the mumbled words, "Now back to the story!"

"So there I was. Standing in front of this behemoth of a fish, that was above land, and in the desert for unfathomable reasons. I'm guessing it must have been some kind of magical mutant fish or something, because this is an almost impossible scenario. Considering the situation, I grabbed your unconscious body in one hand and your scythe in the other." Harry stopped at Izinyö's frantic look and the watched as the Supreme Deity's hands frisked his own robes.

"Oh, yeah I almost forgot," Harry reached into his pocket and took out a six inch scythe. The immortal blinked as the scythe was then snatched out of his hands.

"I really hope you don't mind that I borrowed your scythe for this next bit Izinyö," Harry told the Supreme Deity before continuing his story. "Every step the fish took was about 10 ft. of ground covered. So, I threw you over towards one of the many rock formations, and ran straight at this behemoth of a beast with your scythe!" Harry seemed to get caught up with the _awesome_ memory as his eyes went a tad bit glassy.

"It was pretty amazing, if I do say so myself. So when we(the fish and I)were within a few meters of each other, we did this badass, almost synchronized, anime-styled, leap at each other. When I was with 12 ft. of the monster I sliced straight through it's eye and to it's brain. Now I know you know stuff about blood showers, being Death and all, but I'm telling you this was a blood _bath._ The red stuff was absolutely everywhere! I was just _covered_ in the stuff. And as we both stood shakily, the Salmon gave a ferocious roar that shook the heavens and fell on its side. Dead as a doorknob. I gave it's soul a proper send off and walked to drag you back towards the corpse. Then I cleaned and sharpened your scythe. Because I'm a nice person." Harry tacked on, feeling that that might be an important detail.

"Now, all I have to say is that was probably my most bad ass deed of the year." Harry finished. Because how many people can say they killed a bipedal salmon?

"That still doesn't explain why slaying a giant salmon was important to the ritual, nor does it tell me how I'm in a taxi cab to begin with..." Izinyö prompted, making a small motion with his hands.

"To answer the first question, the taxi drivers only pay in grilled Salmon, not in currency. According to the brochure it's because "We at the I.D.S.T.T. Taxi Org. are proud to say we don't take any type of monetary currency, but rather, important items like food, clothing or useful material wears instead. For this leads to ending world hunger 1 meal at a time." Huh. It's a charity organization. That's nice.." Harry smiled a little before continuing.

"To the second question I grilled that giant sucker with the crazy sun-rays they had in Nowhere and used it as a sacrifice for the I.D.S.T. Taxi™. The taxi came and I had to pull your unconscious ass into the car. There is good news though, I actually knew the guy driving so I got a discount, so we have a huge amount of left overs! Plus you were free... Something about "Omniscient beings being free of charge" or whatever." Harry finally finished.

"..."

"You okay, Izinyö?" Harry asked, concerned for his only friend's well-being.

"Uhh... How long was I out Harry?" Izinyö asked.

"15 minutes give or take."

"You did _all that_ in _15_ minutes _?"_

"Yeah, I'm _The_ Harry Potter. I can do anything!" Harry said proudly. Then his eyes lit up with excitement.

"Oh, almost forgot.,

 _"What_ did you almost forget Harry..." Izinyö asked, almost frightened for his health.

"Ahh... Nothing _nefarious_ my good chap. I was just supposed to tell our driver when you woke up." Harry said with a small smile. Which honestly made Izinyö fear for his health even more.

Izinyö started to get so worked-up, that he had to hold in a flinch when he saw Harry lean forward up to the glass separating the back seats from the front of the cab. Harry had to give it a few good taps with his knuckles before yelling for "Zack."

"Zack" turned his head towards Harry and he made a gruff noise of acknowledgement.

He quickly turned down the radio and pulled the sliding glass window aside so he could hear his 2 passengers.

"Oi! Zack this is our resident Sleeping Beauty, Izinyö." Harry said pointing to Izinyö

"Izinyö this is our awesome cab driver, Zack." Harry then pointed to "Zack".

"Now _, **BECOME**_ **_FRIENDS!"_** Harry ordered the two.

Zack just turned back to the road, ignoring Harry's order, but he took a quick glance at the two with slanted eyes in the rear-view mirror.. Then he practically glared at them before he immediately turned back around, and started roaring and spitting at the two to put their seat belts on.

"Ok. OK. Geez... it's not like a Inter Dimensional Car Crash can kill an immortal and the personification of Death itself." Harry grumbled.

"Grrrrr." Zack growled.

"You hear everything Zack." Harry muttered again.

Zack roared at Izinyö again.

"Izinyö! Put your seat belt on. Zack _doesn't_ like telling things twice! He's practically a mother hen when it comes to these types of things." Harry muttered to his friend.

Izinyö looked at Harry like he was still questioning his sanity.

"Zack's a polar bear." Izinyö stated plainly. Gesturing to Zack.

"Yes. We can see that Izinyö." Said Harry, looking very concerned for his friend now.

"Our Inter Dimensional Space and Time Taxi is being driven. By. A. Polar. Bear." Izinyö said slowly, as if trying to convince Harry that that's weird..

Harry looked at Death like he needed a mental evaluation, until a look of horrified realization appeared.

"Izinyö!" Harry yelled, looking appalled.

"Why didn't you tell me you were _"Bearist"?!"_ He quietly whispered in his friend's ear.

Zack made another small growl and practically gave Izinyö another death glare. Apparently not quiet enough.

"What? No! Nononono. I'm not _Bearist,_ I jus- wait a second, that's an actual thing?" Izinyö asked.

Harry nodded slowly.

"Since when?!" Izinyö practically yelled.

"Since bears and penguins ruled the world Izinyö." Harry said plainly, as if talking to a particularly slow toddler.

"When did this happen Harry?!" Izinyö almost yelled before he quickly quieted himself when he saw Zack's death glare.

"Like a few thousand years ago on my Earth." Harry said quietly back. Even _he_ wasn't crazy enough to go against Zack once he started throwing his Death Glares™ around.

"What! But your Earth was suppose to die out like _3 hundred years_ after your birth from global warming." Death said appalled.

"Oh... uhhhhh...yeah...umm..I _might_ have put a stop to that whole "Global Warming" thing..." Harry told the other uncertainly.

"How did you even stop the destruction of your world Harry? Darn it! You changed the entire Fate of your world and I didn't even notice!" Izinyö screamed before quieting down under another one of Zack's Death Glares™.

The Supreme Deity then started evaluating all his thoughts before today. Because how the _Hell_ did he not notice a big detail like an entire world living for thousands of years longer than it should have.

"Well, I kinda, sorta, maybe took over the world." Harry said, answering Izinyö's question and happily ignoring Izinyö's mental breakdown.

 _"Of course_ you did Harry. How did I not see this coming is beyond me... Jus-ughhhhh... That really wasn't suppose to happen. No _wonder_ Fate was giving me the stink eye these last few thousand years. You actually defeated Fate of all things without even trying!" Izinyö said before going back to his little mental breakdown of all the other worlds that should be dead, but _might_ not be.

"Grrrrll..." Zack said uncertainly, feeling just a little lost with the conversation.

"Sorry Zack, we completely forgot about you." Harry apologised.

"Grrrrr?" Zack asked.

"Nope. Turns out Izinyö isn't _Bearist."_ Harry answered happily.

Izinyö just muttered something not worth mentioning.

"Well. At least my world is dead _now,_ Izinyö." Harry said, trying to cheer up his depressed deity.

"I guess there is that.." Death muttered.

"See. Now be happy and join in the conversation Izinyö." Harry ordered.

Knowing when to pick his battles, and knowing this was most certainly not one of them, Izinyö joined the conversation.

The cab fell in to comfortable chatter, with Izinyö saying something once in a while, that is, until Izinyö realized something very important.

"Uhhhhh...Harry?" Izinyö asked quietly.

"Yes. Izinyö?"

"Where are we going?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean what's the point of this whole taxi ride? Where are we even going? Where will we end up at the end of our journey?" Izinyö asked.

"Huh. You sure I haven't told you yet?" Harry asked back, putting a finger to his temple in thought.

"No. You haven't told me anything besides _how, where, and when_ we got into this taxi. But most certainly not _why. So just tell me already_!" Izinyö asked impatiently.

"Ah ah ah. What's the magic word." Harry scolded.

"Avada Kedavra." Izinyö deadpanned.

"Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny. That's comedic gold right there. You should feel proud." Harry said, voice flatter than a piece of paper.

"Oh don't worry. _I_ _do."_

"I guess _somebody_ doesn't want to know then." Harry said disdainfully, turning away to ask Zack about turnips and how they're just the _perfect_ material for earrings.

 **"Fine..** Can you _please_ tell me where we're going Harry." Izinyö asked with forced politeness.

"We are going to the "Inter Dimensional Sea and Air Ports™'." Harry said proudly after Zack answered his question.

"What's that, and why are we going there?" Izinyö asked, confused.

"Because the ritual would only go as far as giving us transportation to the portals that will transport us to a new dimension." Harry tried to explain.

"Huh?"

"Well you see Izinyö, the ritual was only suppose to transport us a "Inter Dimensional Space and Time™" taxi, nothing else. Then the taxi is suppose to go through a few wormholes to this very specific pocket dimension. That very specific pocket dimension is basically a gate way between an infinite amount of universes. So, we went through the ritual, which is powered by grilled salmon(that's why we needed to retry it again but instead used the mutant salmon instead of the whole ritual thingy), to get to the I.D.S.T. taxis, which will take us to the super specific pocket dimension, that will finally transport us to whatever dimension we choose." Harry explained.

"Well. I think I might finally get it now." Izinyö said, smiling uncertainly.

"Wow. For an "All-knowing being", you sure don't know much about traveling through dimensions considering your the one who picked to do this..." Harry muttered.

Zack made a gruff growl of agreement.

Izinyö didn't really care (probably because Death didn't really care much for any other dimension except those containing the afterlife) much and faded back into the background, casually humming to whatever song came on the toned down radio. Occasionally adding his 2 cents when needed.

The cab quickly went back to the comfortable chatter it used to be.

That is until Izinyö heard a comment.

"What were you saying about a _penguin army_ Harry?" Izinyö asked.

"Oh my _goodness_ Izinyö! I never told you how I took over the world, did I?"Harry asked back, excited that he had a new story to tell.

"No Harry, you didn't."

"OK. You know how on Earth, humans were destroying the planet?" Harry asked.

"Yeah... We talked about this Harry. You said something about taking over the entire world. I still don't see how _you_ ruling over the world as "Saving it" Harry. Plus I still don't even know why you decided to help those idiotic humans anyways..." Izinyö muttered to himself.

"Well I didn't _personally_ rule over them the _entire_ time. That wouldn't be much fun, plus all the assassination attempts would get real old, real fast. No. What _I_ did, was I gave the Polar Bears and Penguins an inhuman amount of intelligence. Then I made an unstoppable army with them. So after defeating those weak humans we established a treaty between the Penguins and the Polar Bears. Giving the Southern hemisphere to the Penguins and the Polar Bears taking the Norther..."

* * *

 **A.N.:And that's a wrap! First Things First- I know this didn't have as much action, nor as much fun as I wanted it to be. Mostly because I still haven't found a good way to write action scenes. They're flippin' impossible. That's why it's in story format. Also, I believed that this chapter needed to be the informational/ filler chapter that was needed to move the plot along. Death wasn't too knowledgeable on dimensional travel only because of plot reasons. He will be almost all knowing with most things, but he can't really see the future. Because that's more Fate's _forte_. Good news though! I can swear on my grave that our beloved characters will meet with at least one of the Avengers team by the 5th chapter, if not the 4th, because _¡NOT_ _MUCH_ _OF A SPOILER ALERT!_ next chapter will mostly be about how our characters travel and adapt to this new universe. Well. As always _Constructive Criticism_ is always welcomed. So REVIEW!**

 _ **Sincerely,**_

 _ **Beg457.**_

 _Arrivederci!_

 _Updated December 24th for_ _my grammar mistakes and a more enjoyable chapter._


	3. The Inter Dimensional Sea and Air Ports

**Chello. Beg457 here with a personal apology to all of you faithful readers.**

 **I, Beg457, hereby declare that I'm sincerely sorry for not updating sooner.**

 **Man. It feels good to get that off my chest.**

 **Now on with the chappie.**

 **Also fair warning, this one is my least favorite cause it _sucks._**

 **Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER. HE BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING AND HER PUBLISHING COMPANY. BUT IZINYÖ, AND ZACK ARE _MINE._ THAT'S ALL**

Chapter 3: The Inter Dimensional Sea and Air Ports

Harry and Izinyö were having the time of their lives exchanging stories with each other. Well, _Harry at least,_ was having the time of _his_ life, as he traded stories with Zack. All the while, Izinyö just sat and brooded in the corner of the seats like an emo Batman. Occasionally, he would make a grunt or two when asked something. Or, if you were lucky, a one syllable answer. Harry was starting to be annoyed with Izinyö being so _antisocial._

Like, just 10 minutes ago he was just telling the guy how he took over the world. One second Izinyö was laughing with him, the next, the guy was brooding in the corner muttering something that sounded suspiciously like _"Paperwork.. **.** So much **Paperwork!"**_

After _that_ particular meltdown, Harry started listening to Zack's stories about "The Good Ole Days". Of course the immortal wizard could only stay interested for so long considering _his_ "Good Ole Days" happened before Zack's ancestors were a twinkle in _their_ ancestors eyes.

Harry looked at the still muttering Izinyö. The poor guy was looking off into space and would seem to have a full-body shiver every few seconds. The constant frequency was kinda creeping Harry out...

After the 7th full-body shiver though, Harry decided _enough was enough._

 _"Sooo..._ Izinyö, how's life?" asked Harry, as he tried to speak to the unresponsive Supreme Deity.

Said _Supreme Deity_ just shivered even harder. Now muttering about how _" **She'll** never let this one down."_

Harry glared, counting as he did so.

'eighteen, nineteen, twenty, twenty-one, twenty-tw-'

Izinyö shivered.

Harry glowered.

Izinyö just shivered since more.

"OK. That's enough of that!" Harry declared before scooting close to Izinyö. Once he was a few inches away from the quivering man, he looked him dead in those dark, unseeing eyes that would make a normal person feel like they've died and gone to heaven and...

Slapped the poor guy silly.

"Snap out of it!" Harry barked into Izinyö's ear, while slapping the poor Deity's face left and right with the back of his hand.

Needless to say, Izinyö wasn't distracted anymore.

 **"Gah!** WHAT THE FLIP HARRY!?" Izinyö snarled. A face promising the slow, painful, and extremely messy death of who ever caused its ire, bloomed.

Harry met those eyes head on without flinching(Something only he could do, anybody else would die just as promised).

"You were looking off into space and not saying a word. You didn't even respond to any of my earlier advances. What else was I suppose to do?" Harry asked while a bright halo glowed above his head,(almost blinding everyone sitting in the cab with it's intensity) looking every bit of an innocent angel.

Izinyö just tried an even more murderous glare.

Harry just added puppy dog eyes to his look.

They had a contest of looks for the next 5 minutes...

All the while, Zack drove in the extremely tense silence wondering whether or not he should break this up. He took a small peak at his passengers and immediately concluded that breaking this up would be hazardous to his health, _and_ most likely his _death_ as well.

If Mama Bear had taught him anything, it was that you should never mess with death gods, let alone **THE** Death _God._

* * *

 _5 minutes later..._

"That's it! I give up Harry. Ughhhh... You win." Izinyö muttered unhappily, yet conceding his defeat all the while. You can never win anything if Harry was involved. Darn protagonist magic.

"Yay! I win! What do I win?" Harry said happily, looking around the empty taxi cab for his winnings.

"Uhhhhh..."

 ** _"What_** do I win Izinyö?" Harry squealed yet _somehow_ lacing a threat within his cheerful words.

Izinyö looked up over at Zack for help.

Zack just shrugged helplessly.

"Uhh... yeah you umm.. win a umm a uhh a STORY! Yeah! You win a personal story from Death himself!" Izinyö exclaimed.

Zack started nodding vigorously as he drove. He wasn't going to look behind himself even under the threat of death. Say what you will about death gods, they can't hold a candle to Harry when he's in one of his moods.

Harry gave the both of them an unreadable look that left Izinyö and Zack(even if he couldn't see it) sweating in their seats.

"Make it 5 stories and we have a deal." Harry said.

"Grrrrr..." Zack growled uncertainly.

"Make that five quick stories Izinyö. Zack says we only have about 15 minutes until we reach our destination." Harry ordered from his seat.

 _14 minutes and 4 and half stories later..._

"There I was, in the runic circle made of blood, with these silly little cultists yelling at me to take this virgin sacrifice they...ahem... 'acquired'. After laughing in their faces, I ate their souls and they're now currently sitting in my small intestine, waiting." Izinyö finished quite anticlimactically.

"Waiting? For what?" Harry asked curiously.

"To get to my large intestine obviously." Izinyö told Harry casually.

Here Harry laughed until realizing Zack was growling at them to "Shut up and listen already."

"Oi, Izinyö! Zack says we're only a few light sec-"

 **"DING!"**

"We're here!." Harry exclaimed before he grabbed Izinyö's hand and jumped out of the cab after throwing 4 still flopping salmon at Zack's head.

"Hope you like the tip! See you later Zack!" Harry yelled, waving behind himself as he dragged Izinyö off the curb towards what looked like an airport with the sleek words stating

 **The Galactic Enterprises™️** _presents_

 ** _THE INTER DIMENSIONAL AIR AND SEA PORTS_**

"WE'RE HERE IZINYÖ!" Harry shouted excitedly, looking at all the crazy people, animals, plants, and other assorted creatures who've also made it this far, entering the building.

"Yes. Yes we are, Harry." Izinyö said with what sounded like restrained anger and pain leaking into his voice.

"Oh my, where should we go Izinyö?" Harry asked not registering Izinyo's tone.

"I don't know Harry. But... you know what you should do first?"

"What?" Harry looked over his shoulder at Izinyö.

 **"YOU SHOULD LET GO OF MY HAND AND STOP DRAGGING ME AROUND! ARE YOU ACTIVELY _TRYING_ TO DISLOCATE MY ARM!** " Izinyö shouted at Harry, easily gaining everybody's attention in the process.

Harry immediately let go of the appendage like his life depended on it. Unfortunately, because Harry was supporting all of Izinyö's body weight, Izinyö ended up falling flat on his face.

(You could hear a few snickers and cackles behind the Supreme Deity and Immortal when this happened)

As Izinyö laid down on the curb you could hear the muttered words...

"I'm giving you fifteen seconds Harry, and if I see you by the time I'm done... Oh you don't even _want_ to know what I'm going to do to you..."

After hearing _that_ particular announcement, Harry ran into the sleek revolving doors of the port.

* * *

 _20_ _minutes and Izinyö's_ _cool down later..._

" _There you are Izinyö. Are you still mad at me?"_ Harry asked ominously, while appearing from a shadow right next to Izinyö.

Effectively scaring the heebie jeebies out of everyone around him.

"Why must you keep doing that Harry? It gets a _little_ annoying after seeing you do the same thing _57 times_ in a non-consecutive row." Izinyo asked before looking at the Immortal next to him.

"Not for me it isn't." Said Immortal replied cheekily.

"Are you actually here for a reason or..." Izinyö sighed..

"Yeah, I'm here for a reason! I found out which dimension we're going to!" Harry told Izinyö happily, waving a brochure through the air.

"Really? Let's see it then." Izinyö said before snatching the brochure from Harry's hand, opening it up, and then reading it.

"Uh Huh...tropical beaches...oh that's nice...breath-taking volcanoes...advanced technology...Planet Earth...no wonder you picked it then...controlling government...not like that's new...super powered beings with dimensions own Norse gods...wait a second...NORSE GODS?!" Death muttered then exclaimed in surprise.

"Yep. Already bought the tickets too. Isn't that dimension AMAZING." Harry said, already going into lala land.

"Well, it looks nice and all... but Norse Gods are nothing but Trouble with a capital T, Harry. I mean one of the gods, Hel I believe... You met Hel right?"

"Skeleton/Zombie/Regular Lady with Family Issues' right?"

"Yeah, that's her all right. She comes from this dimension. There is absolutely nothing but annoyances and nonsensical squabbles there Harry. Harry? Are you listening to me?"

"Yeah, sounds like a lot of trouble... But if there's trouble... that's means there's No BOREDOM!" Harry said(more like _screamed)_ with excitement. Practically vibrating where he stood.

Izinyö just groaned into his hand, knowing that there was no use in talking with the Immortal.

"When are we leaving?" Izinyö asked, knowing there was no sense in fighting Harry.

"10 minutes actually." Harry said, beaming all the while.

"10 MINUTES! BUT WE HAVEN'T EVEN GOT PAST SECURITY YET!" Izinyö started towards the Security line while dragging poor Harry by the collar of his robes.

"Can't you get past security because your the "Supreme Deity of Death" or something?" Harry asked innocently, whilst being dragged about like a rag doll.

Izinyö did a mental face palm as he man handled Harry through the "Deity Line" **(A.N. basically a Fast Pass line through security you only get if your _literally_ too powerful for security to have any jurisdiction over you.) ** and dragged him past the baggage claim, towards the Tram.

As they boarded the Tram, Izinyö glared down at Harry, who beamed right back up at Izinyö. Izinyö sighed before letting go of Harry to grab onto a pole. Harry quickly got up from the floor to do the same.

"So which terminal are we going to?" Izinyö murmured over to Harry, the Bimplesnorp a few feet in front of him was giving some odd vibes.

Harry fished the boarding passes out of his blood covered robes and read them.

"Hmm... Seems like it's Terminal B6. Oh lookie, there's a little footnote right here, "Have fun ya morons." Aww. That's so nice, isn't it Izinyö?"

Izinyö did one more mental facepalm, before asking Harry for the time.

"About 4:28" Harry replied, looking at the dissembled clock floating around his head he just conjured out of "Nowhere and Everywhere".

"Damn it! We only have about 2 minutes until they start boarding the plane!" Izinyö looked only a few seconds away from slamming his head into the pole he was holding on to.

"You know what, just screw it. We're transporting there." Izinyö said before grabbing Harry by the collar and simply disappearing...

Then reappearing a few seconds later in front of the terminal.

I guess calling it a terminal would be a little too generous. The terminal(if we can even call it that) was just a sectioned off piece of wall, with almost no lighting except for a flickering bulb set over a rotting oak door.

The door occasionally creaked open and shut on rusted hinges. All you could see was pure _Darkness_ behind the door. Plus the 'terminal' had cracked tile flooring within a 10 ft. radius of the door.. If you were crazy enough to come closer to the door, you could see it had a torn piece of notebook paper with the letter and number 'B6' taped on it.

"Welp. Looks like you found it Izinyö." Harry told the Deity standing next to him.

Said Deity looked at the terminal in horror.

"C'mon, let's go!" Harry declared, before grabbing the sweating man beside him and marching towards the door.

The faint sound of an ominous choir surrounded the two as they reached the cracked tiles.

"Harry, do we really _need_ to do this. Can't we just I don't know... go to a different dimension?" Izinyö asked, all but begging with his eyes for an affirmative answer.

"Oh Izinyö, my sweet, innocent little Deity," Harry patted Izinyö on the head like he wasn't a foot shorter than him. The motion beyond condescending and entering _patronizing_ territory. "We don't _need_ to go to this dimension. We don't _need_ to do anything."

Izinyö sighed with relief and went to go join all the _normal_ mortals that were passing the terminal without a backwards glance. That is, until Harry grabbed him by his sleeve and physically threw him through the rotting door with a shout of-

"DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T WANT TO GO TO ANOTHER DIMENSIIIIOOOOONNN!"

Izinyö gave Harry a look of pure horror as he fell into the Darkness.

Then everything turned black.

 **A.N. MWAHAHAAH! A CLIFFIE FOR ALL OF YOU GUYS. That's right I was secretly evil all along.**

 **Now, in all seriousness, I'm really sorry for not updating sooner. The next chapter will be out in about a month. Maybe sooner, or later...So please review with all your wonderful constructive criticism or things you like or don't like. Give this thing a follow or favorite if you want to. Also I'm going back to edit some chapters yet again. Apparently I wasn't as thorough with the editing as I thought..**

 **Well...**

 _Arrivederci!_

 _Updated_ _December 24th for a more enjoyable chapter._


	4. Poll Results No Chappy

**Chello. Beg457 here with the poll results.**

 **Well... Here are they are...**

 **Tony~~~~~** 17

 **Loki-~~~~~** 17

 **Bruce~~~~~~** 7

 **Steve~~~~~~** 5

 **Clint~~~~~~~** 3

Winner: Tony & Loki

 **So.. Uh... We apparently have a tie between Tony and Loki.**

 **I'm not sure on how I'm supposed to handle that. So we'll just do this.**

 **(Quickly does the extended version I made up in the 3rd grade of Eenie Meenee Minny Moe)**

 **Well... We have a winner!**

 _ **Tony!**_

\(©θ©)/ \\(©θ©)/

 **Cookies for EVERYONE!**

 **And if your butthurt your guy didn't win...**

 **I** **DON'T CARE!**

 **So don't P.M. me about how sad you are.**

 **You can put that stuff in the reveiws.**

 **But I honestly doubt you guys would do that.. You all seem really cool..**

 **So see you all next chapter.**

 _Arrivederci!_

 _Edit: Okay, so it's been brought to my attention that this can be confused for a poll on pairings. This is not a poll on pairings. I repeat, THIS IS NOT A POLL FOR PAIRINGS! This poll is for who our heroes will meet first. And they will meet Tony first. That is all._


	5. Ilha da Queimada Grande

**A.N. Read. Review. Enjoy.**

 **Be warned. This chapter's crazy and even _I'm_ not even sure it flows...**

Izinyö~ Please wake up.." A voice murmured excitedly into Izinyö's ear. It was probably just Harry.

"Murmhyyffguuuhh." Was the sleepy reply.

 _'Huh. Since when did I take to sleeping near Harry? Last time that happened I woke up at the bottom of the Mariana Trench right next to the crazy Immortal. Who, at the time, was taking fashion advice from a Blob fish..._ _But to be fair, I never knew how good Harry would look in jeans until after that rather odd encounter...'_

"Jus' 'ive mor' mi'uts Harry. I'm tryna' sleep." Izinyö muttered back almost coherently, deciding it was best not to speak his jumbled thoughts aloud.

"I can't let you fall a asleep _again_ Izinyö! 'Cause we're _finally here!"_ A voice that could only be described as _giddy_ answered back.

"Garhcvdeargdrrvitddvnihnrdgddct..." Was the intelligent reply from the Supreme Deity as he turned over on the uncomfortably rocky soil.

 _'Huh.. Hold on there...Rocky soil? Did Harry just say "we're here"? I don't recall leaving anywhe-_ That _little_ **_BASTARD!_ _'_** Was Izinyö's last thought before he sat straight up, stared at Harry with coal black eyes that were ignited with an anger that was the cause of many(sometimes completely unjust) apocalypses* and then spoke. **(*Ac** **cording to spell checker "apocalypses" isn't** **a** **word... And apocalypsi _isn't_ either..I guess ****apocalypses is a word now)**

Izinyö's voice was no louder than a whisper, yet people all the way in China still felt like some absolutely _smashed_ guy was playing Ring-Around-the-Rosie, with both a rabbit and a peacock, on their graves. It was both the most unsettling and confusing thing the entire human population felt in history. But it was absolutely nothing compared to what Harry was feeling as Izinyö spoke(threatened would be far more accurate) in that soft voice he only used when he was absolutely _furious._

 _ **"Harry.** If you **ever** get the idea of pushing me through a **magical** portal, **again,** without my **consent...** We're going to have a little **chat**. I'm pretty sure you know what a **chat,** of this sort, entails. But **just** in case you don't, I'll enlighten you. In simple terms, I am just going to **stab** you Harry. I'm going to stab you with a dull, rusty, serrated, and broken **spoon,** and guess what Harry? I am going to keep on stabbing you with that spoon until you **finally** contract tetanus and die on my say. When you **inevitably** come back to life, I'll be a lot more... **"Creative"** when I kill you the next 12 times." _ Izinyö threatened his little immortal, as serious as the grave.

 **(A.N. Hahahah... _Puns...Yeah..._ I'll just leave now..)**

 _"Understand?"_ Izinyö hissed.

"Yes!" Harry whimpered quietly. Nodding his head up a down until he looked more like a broken bobble head than a human being. The poor man was shaking in his bloody robes with eyes the size of a tarsier's.

 _"Good."_ Apparently that was the end of _that_ conversation, since Izinyö became his own little passive-agressive self again.

"So... Where are we Harry?" Izinyö asked, looking around the rocky shore of an island with a tropical jungle behind him. It was smallish and the Deity was getting a Southern American vibe from the place. Plus the sun was just beating down on the two of them, so probably somewhere near the Equator. Honestly the island seemed pretty generic if you asked him. If it weren't for _one thing,_ Izinyö would've grabbed Harry by the sleeve and Teleported the both of them to Antarctica for some just punishment.

(Nothing was more punishing than getting a sun burn in a frozen wasteland in the Deity's opinion.)

Anyways, that _one thing_ being the _innumerable_ amount of sand-colored vipers crowding around Harry as if he were The Snake Messiah.

There was even a snake laying innocently on Harry's head, now that Izinyö was actually looking at the man instead of threatening him.

"I'm so glad you asked!" Harry said happily, not even fazed by Izinyö's abrupt change in attitude. (Though the immortal did seem to tread carefully around the Deity)

Harry went to stand up, before all the snakes around him started hissing, somehow sounding forlorn at the motion. Harry quickly sat back down and started hissing back at the sad snakes with what sounded like hasty reassurances. Then Harry gave Izinyö a look that just screamed "I'm about to give you a headache for my own amusement!" Then the man started hissing so fast that even if Harry was speaking in a human tongue Izinyö wasn't sure he would've been able to keep up. Once everything seemed to be straightened out between the human and plethora of snakes, Harry turned back towards Izinyö.

Who...was building a little hut out of the few rocks sitting around him. Harry coughed as the Deity was putting up his flag made out of seaweed and palm.

Izinyö turned towards Harry and raised an expectant brow at the man.

A total of 6 minutes had past since Izinyö had asked his question...

 _Ignoring that tiny little detail,_ Harry stood up with a dramatic flourish of his robes (that were _still_ covered in blood and... _Was that venom and poisoned blood he smelt?_ The deity _knew_ he was going to have to burn the stupid thing now. Because there was no way in Hell that Izinyö was going to even attempt to wash that _monstrosity)_ while two snakes slithered up his back to rest on his shoulders. A subtle flick of Harry's wrist and a radio that looked like it came out of the 90s started playing dramatic music from behind Izinyö.

Then Harry started to _sing._

 _"Oh my sweet, naïve little friend.." Harry murmured softly,_

 _"_ Don't call me naïve... I am literally older than all the dirt in this cosmos." Izinyö snapped.

 _"You still haven't got a clue about where you are?"_

"No." Izinyö muttered

 _"Hah. You don't even know if I brought you to your end..."_

"You didn't. I'm still Death, I am _literally_ The End."

 _"All you know is that we've traveled far,"_

"Yep."

 _"And that_ _I'm your only friend,"_

"Pshhh. I have, like, tons of friends. I don't know what your talking about. " Was the nervous rebuttal.

 _"And you haven't gone around the bend."_

"As if someone would call _Death_ insane. to his face at least, anyways." Izinyo replied smartly.

 _Harry gave a theatrical sigh._

 _"But, I guess we'll have tell you anyway."_

"What do mean _we?"_

 _"Why me and my wonderfully poisonous compadres"_

"Now your speaking Spanish in an English accent."

 _"For we are on the Ilha da Queimada Grande!"_

"You do realize that's Portuguese, not Spanish. Right?"

 _"We've been st_ a _ying here for days!"_

 _Harry finished his quick little ditty with some Jazz Hands while tiny fireworks flew from the 3 snakes coils._

An enthusiastic(but almost sarcastic) one man applause accompanied by many exited hisses could be heard on the shoreline.

"Bravo! Bravo! That slightly horrendous song was beautiful!" Izinyo shouted while wiping an imaginary tear from his eye.

"Thank you! Thank you! Your too kind!" Harry said as he walked through the crowds of excited snakes towards where Izinyö was sitting.

"So it took you 6 minutes for all of that?" Izinyö called over curiously from his seat on a rock, where he casually leaned on his suddenly enlarged scythe for support.

"Nah. It took me 3 minutes to explain how to handle the fireworks safely to these snakes and then another minute and a half to convince them. I just made up the song as I went along. It was a kind of spontaneous idea." Harry answered, while watching said snakes slither off his shoulders and back towards the crowd. The three snakes started showing the other vipers how to play with magically harmless sparklers and laser pointers.

Harry smiled at the weirdly adorable sight. The Immortal and Supreme Deity lapsed into a comfortable silence. Neither saying anything, the two instead watching adorable snakes playing with fireworks.

"So, how long and how many deaths did it take for you to befriend all the snakes on this island?" Izinyö asked softly, breaking the silence between the two. The Deity's most admirable composure almost crumbling against the sight of adorable snakes.

"Hah! Twas only around three days and about 56 painful and agonizing deaths before these lil' guys realized I could speak their language. Then about 10 more deaths before they finally got it into their tiny little skulls that I couldn't die, or rather, stay dead." Harry stated proudly, his eyes expressing a sort of dark mirth.

"Really? _Only_ 66 deaths to befriend _every single_ poisonous viper? Well color me impressed." Izinyö replied with a smile.

"Yeah. I was lucky enough to talk to some of the more vocal snakes before they killed me. Then one thing led to another, and before I knew it, the entire snake community knew about us." The two fell into an awkward silence. Harry fidgeting until Izinyö broke it again.

"Soooo... We're in a different dimension." Izinyö said uncertainly.

"Yep."

"And... Knowing our luck some shady government enterprise probably already knows about us..." Izinyö said _with_ certainty

"Yep."

 _"Soooo..._ What are we going to do now that we're here?" Izinyö said turning back to Harry.

"I... don't know." Harry muttered, looking down at the rocky ground as if it would have all the answers.

"What? But... _You're_ the one who agreed to this, this, _asinine_ plan! HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW!" Izinyö standing up while shouting furiously at Harry.

"Well, to be fair, I _was_ on planet that looked like it played the asteroid in Micheal Bay's "ARMAGEDDON". I was given the choices of playing a board game, messing around in an apocalyptic wasteland for all eternity, or go to another dimension after a crap ton of work. What, _exactly_ did you think I was going to choose?" Harry snapped back. Getting up as well.

The two glared at each other, neither giving an inch.

That is until one of the vipers came over with a still sparkling sparkler **(A.N. Try saying that 3 times fast)** resting in his coils. The snake looked at the two before him in confusion. Its little nose scrunched up into the Infrared Thermal Radiation Sensing pits on its face.

 _$Excuse me ehh...Señor Magnífico? Why are you raising your two-legged vocal cords so high? It's scaring the hatchlings.$_

Harry's glare wavered at the little snake's big eyes while Izinyö's stopped completely. Izinyö gave a weary sigh and looked towards the ground. Who knew that snakes could be so adorable when trying to imitate a puppy.

Once Izinyö looked back up he saw Harry glaring up at him with his arms crossed and his blood soaked robes billowing from some unseen wind. Izinyö sighed once again and sat down onto the rocky soil.

Harry looked down at him with confusion in eyes until Izinyö raised a brow and indicated in front of him.

Harry huffed at the Supreme Deity and just conjured up a golden throne encrusted with precious gems and depicted pictures of Harry giving the Two-fingered salute at every angle, while a crown depicting Harry flipping the bird at anyone in front of him, adorned his head.

Izinyö just raised both of his eyebrows at the action.

Harry just gave a "get-on-with-it" motion with his hands.

"Do you know how immature your being?" Izinyö asked exasperated.

"Does it even look like I'm one to care for maturity?" Harry replied angrily.

 ** _"Do you want an apology or not?!"_**

Harry took on a surprised expression before letting out a chuckle.

"I didn't realize that all it took for an apology from _Death_ was a deadly viper with puppy eyes." Harry said with mirth dancing in his eyes.

Izinyö let out a huff before ignoring Harry entirely.

 _"Well,_ I'm...sorry for snapping at you Harry. It's been a very stressful week for me. What with crazy rituals knocking me unconscious, to meeting Zack. Don't you dare forget _you,_ throwing me into creepy doors and all... It's just I thought that if you throw someone into a door leading to a different dimension, you might have _some semblance_ of an idea about what you're going to do afterword." Izinyö apologized. The Supreme Deity sat there waiting for a return apology.

Harry rubbed his neck sheepishly before waving his wrist and letting the throne (but not the crown)fade away. Falling down onto the ground with a soft plop.

"Ehhh... I guess I'm sorry too. I mean, I know your older than what is comprehensible. So you've probably have already felt and delt with boredom before. It's just that I've been alive for around 17 thousand years... So when you came on my planet offering the chance to go to an _alternate dimension,_ that was my ticket to an unheard brand of freedom." Harry said quietly.

They sat in silence, Harry looking at the ground and Izinyö pretending to be fascinated with Harry's crown currently flipping him off.

 _"$I believe this is the part where the two legs "make up" and mawl each others faces in a two leg act of compassion.$_ A snake said innocently as she slithered up towards the "Two-legs" in question. She looked at them in patient curiosity. Waiting for them to "mawl" each others faces.

The two sat in stupefied silence, staring at the random snake that just came out of nowhere.

"pffft...hmpfhmpf...". Harry started laughing internally, trying in vain to stifle his chuckles as Izinyö looked mortified at the tiny snake.

 _$That isn't true is it? I thought humans only did that to share food to one another. Like birds.$_ The first snake asked the other in apparent confusion.

 _$Nope. I have(under extensive research) determined that humans do this for compassionate reasons. I've learned that if a human brushes there lips together they don't mate but rather stay as mutual partners or they're just starting their courtship._ _**But** if they maul each others faces then the two will mate like rabbits.$ _ The second snake said triumphantly, as if she figured out the answer to life's greatest question.

Harry just started cackling like a hyena while Izinyö snapped out of his mortified state and looked at Harry for some form of help.

"Hahahahaham...Alright...hahaha...I'll tell 'em...hehehe..." Harry gasped out between laughs. Harry looked down at the viper before letting out a hiss.

 _$I'm sorry to tell such a beautiful viper such as yourself that your are regretfully wrong. Izinyö and I here have a platonic relationship with each other. I see Izinyö here as my best friend or, as you put it, mutual partner... So I won't(unfortunately) be mauling his face anytime soon..$_ Harry told the two snakes in mock sorrow.

 _$Darn it! At least tell my observations were true! At least tell me that I didn't waste my life believing that I knew the wrong information on the intricate mating habits of the two legs!$_ The snake asked hopefully/desperately.

Harry motioned his hands in the universal 'placating' manner as Izinyö snickered behind him. Harry threw a scathing look that could have set fire to water(without the aid of oils) while hissing reassurances to the tiny viper.

 _$No. Nonono. Your information was weir-I mean VERY accurate. Everything you said was true about a human's mating habits.$_.

 _$THANK YOU, OUR LORD AND SAVIOR APOPHIS!$_ The serpent shouted gleefully to the heavens.

 _$I thought **I** was your L_ _ord and Savior..$_ Harry muttered in a low hiss to himself with a childish pout.

"Heh. For all it's worth, I accept your apology Harry." Izinyö said in between chuckles at the two's antics.

Harry sent a murderous scowl towards the Supreme Deity.

Said Deity laughed some more before suddenly putting on a serious face.

 _"Now..._ I do realize we just literally fought on this topic like, five minutes ago, but we still need to figure out what we need to do exactly. Because we both know that some form of government **_knows_** we're here." Izinyö told Harry gravely.

"Just let me think for a second. I might be able to think of something after a minute or two." Harry answered just as grim.

The two sat in contemplative silence while the two vipers watched intently.

Then Harry's eyes snapped open while a mischievous smile stretched across his face. The Immortal then launched himself at Izinyö.

" **I GOT IT! I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO!** " Harry shouted excitedly while grabbing Izinyö by the shoulders and shaking him.

"WHAT! WHAT EXACTLY ARE WE GOING TO DO!" Izinyö shouted back. Trying, ineffectively, to yell over the other.

"Pack your bags Izinyö. Cause' we're going to New York." Harry answered excitedly.

"What for exactly?" Izinyö asked hesitantly.

"Why, Izinyö. Where else would have a magic show?" Harry replied coyly.

Understanding donned across the Deity's face before said Deity let a smile worthy of Death stretch across it.

 _"Well then. Let's make some magic_."

 **A.N. There it is. Another chapter that was a little late in development. I apologize for that. It's only late because this is the transitioning point between Harry's and Izinyö's journey and the Avengers appearing. That's right. Tony Stark is going to make his official appearance next chapter. Also the song sang in the chapter was completely made up and it took me around 30 seconds to make(That's why its _Suuucks)._ Whether Harry sang it wonderfully or horribly is up to you my dear reader. What else did I need to say? There was something else... Oh Yeah! The _Ilha da Queimada Grande_ is a very real island of the coast of Brazil (explaining the Portuguese)nicknamed the Snake Island in English. It's one of the most dangerous places on Earth because of the extremely high and endangered population of Golden Lancehead Pit Vipers. And that's all I wanted to say. **

**Well then.**

 _Arrivederci!_

 ** _P.S. I'm really exited that this story is now over 10000 words._**

 _Updated on December 4th for a more enjoyable chapter._


	6. Our First Avenger

**A.N. I'M ALIVE! Plus, I'm back with a new chapter. Please read and enjoy the chapter.**

Tony could barely comprehend it. He had finally escaped the terrorists.

The bulky metal suit, that he was currently wearing, actually worked somehow. He could still feel it steadily fall apart, as he flew away from the complex. He winced when a particularly large piece fall off his arm and leg. At this rate he would only be pieces of an engine before landing.

If Tony were a holy man, he would've started praying for a safe landing.

 ** _SSSSSKKRRREEEEAAAAAKKKKKK!_**

The horrid sound of metal tearing apart and engines failing rang throughout the empty desert. Looks like he won't even be _that._

"Well...Shit." With that exclamation, Tony Stark fell to his doom.

* * *

Izinyö. I think we might be lost." A distraught voice commented out of the blue.

"Oh.. So _now_ you think we're lost? _Not_ when I said it almost 4 flippin' hours ago, _after_ we passed the _same exact_ shrub, for a total of _12 times!"_ Another voice answered angrily.

"Hey! I'm sorry, alright?! All these stupid shrubs look exactly the same. How was I suppose to know that you weren't pulling my leg?" The man asked innocently, crouching in front of said shrub.

"I don't know. Maybe the fact that you turned it **_BABY BLUE,_ SO WE WOULD _KNOW_ IF IT WAS THE SAME BUSH, YOU _PANCAKE_ _FLIPPIN'_ _IDIOT!"_** The Supreme Deity answered, beyond angry at this point.

"Stop yelling at me!" The shorter of the two answered

 **"NO!"**

The two men glared at each other before the taller scoffed at the other and sat down in the sand.

"See, I told you! You should have gotten a world map or something _before_ apparating around. 'Cause I'm pretty sure that New York ISN'T IN A FISHIN' DESERT!" Izinyö screamed at the disgustingly pretty blue sky.

"I _said_ I was sorry! _How, exactly,_ was I supposed to know that different dimensions have different geographical coordinates!"

$Are we there yet?$ A hissing voice asked from the immortal's backpack.

 **"NO!"** "NO!"

$Now stop asking! Please! We'll get there when we get there.$ Harry hissed at the backpack.

All the immortal got in reply were low, mournful, hisses of apology.

$It's fine. Just stop asking, please."$

"Why did you even bring them?" Izinyö asked with no small amounts of apathy. The Deity was beyond caring at this points.

"I thought they were adorable. Plus their species is dying out from no diversity in the gene pool, so I wanted to try out cross breeding." Harry answered.

"Do they _know_ that?" Izinyö asked, curiosity evident in his tone.

"I mean, the _female_ does... She said she was fine with it, because "All the other snakes were lacking" or something like that."

"And the male?"

"Well, to be truthful, I only kept him as a pet. He's also a little too young to breed right now anyways." Harry answered thoughtfully.

"Hmpf."

"You're _still_ mad at me..."

"Hn."

"That wasn't even an answer and you know it. Now tell me why your mad this time so I can fix it." Harry said, being as concerned as a pack of fire ants around a grasshopper. **(A.N. Interpret that as you will).**

The two beings sat there in silence. The Supreme wondering if the other was sarcastic or sincere, while the Immortal stared back expectantly.

Izinyö sighed before answering carefully.

"It's not that I'm mad per se... It's more like I-"

Unfortunately, they never knew what Izinyö's thoughts were because he was interrupted by the most reprehensible, appalling, horrendous, nauseating, and down right ungodly caterwauling of a screech.

 ** _SSSSSKKRRREEEEAAAAAKKKKKK_**

 _ **$What,** In the 7 levels of purgatory, is that noise?$ _ A hissing voice yelled from within the confines of Harry's backpack.

"I DON'T KNOW! BUT IT JUST WONT STOP!" Harry screamed with his hands on his ears. Completely forgetting that the snake couldn't understand English.

"GAH! IT'S LIKE THERE IS ONE DRILL DRILLING IN ONE EAR AND ANOTHER DRILLING IN THE OTHER EAR! AND THEY'RE MEETING IN THE MIDDLE!" Izinyö screeched, his hands clamped on his ears like a vice. The Primordial Being going as far as to try and stick his head into the sand.

 ** _SSSSSKKRRREEEEAAAAAKKKKKK_**

 ** _$WHY DOES THIS SOUND EVEN EXIST!_** **MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!$** A younger voice hissed, completely horrified.

"GUYS! I THINK IT'S COMING FROM THAT THING IN THE SKY!" Harry screamed at the already half buried Izinyö.

"THEN BLOW IT UP! SEND IT TO A BLACK HOLE! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO! JUST MAKE IT CEASE TO EXIST!" Came Izinyö's muffled reply.

"DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME TWICE!" Harry yelled, pointing a shaking hand at the object and muttering a few choice words.

Luckily (or unluckily), it didn't have to come to such drastic measures because the thing crashed straight into the sand dunes a mile behind the group with a loud _BOOM!_ and more shrill shrieking.

Then blessed silence reigned.

 _"Ploof."_ Izinyö's head was covered in sand.

"Harry. _What_ was that noise?" Izinyö asked in a deadly whisper.

"Whatever it is _now,_ doesn't matter. What it's _going_ to be, after I blow it to _Vanhala_ and back, does." Harry answered, just as deadly, before running towards it.

"Harry! Don't destroy it without me!"

The sound of lungs hacking out sand followed Harry all the way to the site.

* * *

"Izinyö! I found it. I'm pretty sure it's a person." Harry yelled behind him.

"Okay... Then why isn't it a big bloody red spot in the sand yet? I thought we were going to blow it up!" A voice yelled back. If the coughing afterwards seemed to get louder, Harry didn't really care.

"Well... I was thinking... Maybe we _shouldn't_ blow him up?"

"Ugh... Is this your saving people thing again? I thought we were over this! Harry, some people can't be saved. Death comes to all eventually. There is literally no reason to prolong the inevitable. Now move over, so I can place the power of a nuclear bomb inside him." Izinyö answered angrily before moving around Harry with a sickly green glow around his hand.

"That's not what I meant... Wait! Stop! Don't kill him!" Harry shrieked. Running up to Izinyö before he blew someone up.

"Why not?! He made my eardrums explode so I'll make _him_ explode. An eye for an eye or in this case an ear for a body!" Izinyö shouted before leaping at the body.

"What if he's really important!" Harry tackled the Supreme Being.

"I'm Death! Do you think I care about importance!" The Deity said before yelping in pain as Harry bit his arm after the sudden tackle.

The two wrestled in the sand. One trying to reach the prone body with a glowing hand, while the other tried to prevent exploding someone into bloody bits.

They were only a few feet away before Harry had an idea.

"What if he knows how to get us to New York!"

Izinyö suddenly stopped.

"If he doesn't?" Izinyö asked with a sigh.

Harry smiled in victory before getting off of the other Being.

"Then we can blow him up together." Harry answered with a chilling smile.

Izinyö looked hopefully at the body before nodding in agreement.

Harry and Izinyö looked at the man lying on the floor surrounded by shredded metal.

"Let's wake him up then."

* * *

 **HAHHAHAHHAHA*Cough*Cough* Hahahhaha!**

 **Another cliffhanger because I needed a stopping point. Now if you're here then you must be wondering about my dropping of the map for a while. Well, truth is, school hit me like an 14 wheeler then backed up on top of me. But on May 30th, summer will start for me. So I can finally work on stories again. So Follow, _REVIEW_ and maybe Favorite if you like.**

 **Well,**

 _Arrivederci!_


	7. Our First Avenger Awakens

**Chello! Beg457 here with the new chapter...**

 **All I have to say is that things are going to get hectic from here on out... I honestly have no idea how exactly this chapter got so crazy. Harry was just supposed to sing and dance and be weird around Tony while Izinyö stood there in stoic and amused silence... That didn't happen. WHY DIDN'T THAT HAPPEN!**

Well, have fun and enjoy this one.

 ** _Chapter 6: Our first Avenger Awakens_**

* * *

Harry's PoV

Harry looked at the sleeping man beside him, wondering if he was being a creep. It probably didn't help that he was staring with a such a single-minded focus at the man's features before moving on, one by one.

Harry shook his head. He was the Master of Death. He could as creepy as he wanted to be. It's not like there would be any _consequences_ to his actions.

His best and only friends were Dea-Izinyö, and two snakes. Plus it wasn't like he had any material possessions he couldn't summon back, repair, or replace. Honestly there wasn't really anything someone could threaten him with at this time, except maybe the snakes...

Welp. Let's hope for whoever that idiot's sake that he would have a quick, messy death

What was he doing again? Oh yeah. Staring at the new guy while he sleeps...

Good Lord, he was totally going to get some restraining orders in this dimension.

* * *

Tony woke up to the sound of humming and a cool compress on his head. His mind went into overdrive as he tried to calculate the odds of the terrorists recapturing him, but threw away that thought almost immediately, considering he blew up their entire base and anything important looking near by. Plus from what he overheard, that was their only place of operations in the country, and terrorists certainly wouldn't be _humming a tune_ while **healing** him.

So that means he was either on the verge of death and hallucinating everything, or he was finally rescued and in the tender care of a (hopefully) hot nurse, or better yet, at home and under the effects of a really bad hangover.

Tony quickly went to sit up, ready for the sight of his lab or the plain white walls of a hospital, but hissed through clenched teeth at the sudden excruciating pain in his chest.

'Oh yeah... New battery in my chest... I forgot about that.' He thought to himself quietly.

"Huh? Hey Izinyö! It looks like he's awake!" A rather masculine voice yelled from right beside the injured man.

"Yeek!" Said injured man (most definitely didn't girlishly) shrieked in fear, almost falling off the stretcher he was previously sleeping on.

Tony looked at the male beside him and could _feel_ his eyes widen in surprise and terror.

The male in question was wearing a dark cloak with what looked like what _could've_ been a white undershirt at one point. The thing is... It was dark red-brown like blood. The guy honestly looked like he swam in a _pool_ of blood. Forget _pool,_ an **_Ocean_** of the crimson liquid.

His dark hair was spiked up, sticky, and tinted red. With his pale face dyed a dark burgundy, and the man's cloak being in tatters and also stained didn't help make him any less scary.

All in all, he looked like a serial killer who showered in the blood of his victims. It didn't help that the smile the man was currently wearing _screamed_ sadistic mischief.

Tony heard some foot steps behind him and he whirled his head to meet the eyes of a seething "Izinyö".

Izinyö was a man.

For some reason he half expected a cactus with a face drawn in questionable substances.

He would of been a rather handsome man too, if his features weren't drawn up in murderous rage.

" _ **For your own safety, I hope you know the answers to our questions. Because if you don't, you're going to end up worse than**_ **Dea** **r** _ **Harry over there."**_ The man threatened, utterly incensed.

Tony looked at the blood splattered man beside him, and assumed he was the "Harry" "Izinyö" was talking about.

He audibly gulped and tried to ignore the trickle of sweat on his brow. Because if this man in front of him had the capabilities to cut up "Harry" to the point of not bleeding out, but still end up looking like _that,_ he must of studied human anatomy for who knows how long. He probably also knew how to make somebody hurt too.

That was more than enough to intimidate him. Hell. It scared the proverbial shit out off him.

 **(Little did Tony know, Death most certainly didn't cut Harry up like that. He wasn't a _complete_** **monster. Death absolutely detested prolonged suffering. It lead to so many false calls for a soul that it became tediously annoying to collect them if they ever did die. No, he didn't cut up Harry, he just blew him up. A lot. Piece by _Piece. [Okay, suffering is fine as long as it's Harry]_ But how Harry's clothes weren't absolutely shredded was a mystery to the Supreme Deity.)**

"Well, what are your questions?" Tony asked, for one of the few times in his life taking something seriously. Mostly because it involved his life.

 **"We want to know how to get to New York, _and_ you're going to tell us. Or else you can say goodbye to your precious mortal life."** Izinyö threatened.

Tony could feel his mind shut down.

These _**psychos**_ want _him_ to take _them_ to New York. A place filled to the brim with people. Most of them innocent.

Nuh Uh. That wasn't going to happen. He might've been the "Merchant of Death" once, but not anymore. He wasn't going to bring a bunch of crazies in the middle of the desert, who would gladly murder people to get what they want, into America. For all he knew, these guys could be (and honestly, probably were) terrorists.

"No." Tony answered. Not once regretting his word.

 **"No?"** The already tall man seemed to grow taller in his anger.

"Yeah, no! Now I can fully understand that your tiny little brain might not be able to fully comprehend your own language, but I'll tell you one more time, because I'm sure your brain is as smooth as your words, I'm not taking you to New York." Tony answered again with his trademark snark.

"Pffft. Mmmpft. Hmmft." Harry tried(and failed) to hold in his chuckles.

Tony turned to the much shorter man beside him in disbelief. Now he was _definitely_ going to see him get killed today. He rather not see that. He had enough death to last him a lifetime of happiness.

 **(A.N. Aww... If only you knew)**

Izinyö glared at Harry, promising a painful demise in his future.

"Come on Izinyö, you have to admit it was kinda funny." Harry said in between badly hidden chuckles.

The glare seemed to soften before the man sat beside Harry with a huff.

"I admit it was sort of... Witty. But now we are facing a rather troubling dilemma. The stupid human won't take us to New York." Izinyö said sadly.

Tony almost felt bad when Harry looked like someone killed his puppy. That is until he remembered they called him stupid and threatened to kill him. Plus they were probably terrorists. Than that pity dried up like the Sahara.

"I guess a deals a deal." Harry said sadly.

What deal?

"Yes. Finally. I've been waiting for this since he fell from the sky." Izinyö answered, looking back at Tony with murderous desire.

Well, if that didn't sound ominous...

"Together?" Harry asked, looking at Tony with a rather disappointing stare.

Now he was _sure_ he didn't deserve that kind of look.

"Sure. As long as I get to blow up his head and torso. Maybe if I'm lucky I can explode his ears as well."

"I'm sorry, do you plan to put explosives on me?" Tony asked in disbelief. They weren't even going to try and torture him?

"Nah." Harry answered.

Phew. That gives him a few more minutes to figure out how to escape.

"We plan to put explosives _inside_ you."

wot.

"So, do you want to do it now?" Harry asked the man beside him.

"Oh gods yesss." Izinyö hissed, looking like Christmas had come early. The tall man subconsciously licked his lips in anticipation. He couldn't wait to see the beautiful scarlet rain such an explosion would bring.

'Well. Looks like he didn't have anytime. Guess Plan B.'s a go then...' Tony thought to himself.

"Wait! Can't I make a phone call?" Tony asked, head switching to look at the two men around him like a life size bobblehead.

"Nope. We don't have a phone. And there's no service anyways." Harry answered cheerfully.

Oh.

"Can I write a letter?"

"No. We waited long enough to make you explode. I'm not going to wait for you to write a flippin' letter!" Izinyö yelled impatiently.

"Can I at least ask you a question?" Tony asked desperately.

"No-"

"Yeah sure."

Izinyö glared down at Harry. Harry ignored him.

"What did you plan to do in New York?" Tony asked, glaring at the two.

"Oh. Here I was, thinking you would ask what's the meaning of the Universe, or how we will make you explode. Then you ask a simple question like that." Harry said in disappointment,

"So, what are you going to do?" Tony asked again, wondering if these people were really nutters.

"We were going to do a magic show." Harry finally answered with a smile.

"What."

"You know, with pulling dragons out of hats, making snakes do firework displays, teleporting around a stage, throwing sparkling glitter around said stage, cutting Izinyö in half, that sort of thing."

"I thought I told you, you can't do that. You don't know how yet!" Izinyö hissed.

"Yes. I do!" Harry said angrily.

"Not without killing people!" Izinyö retorted.

"The audience doesn't know that!"

"Wait. You want to go all the way to _New York, for a **Magic Show?"**_ Tony asked in disbelief.

The two arguing men turned back to him, one glaring, the other blinking in confusion.

"Yeah. Why else would we want to go there? To blow up celebrities?" Harry asked, chuckling to himself.

Izinyö reluctantly joined in.

Killing celebrities. Ridiculous.

Tony looked at the two with poorly veiled confusion.

Do they not know who he was?

"Welp. Time to explode ya!" Harry said cheerfully. Then grabbed Tony by the arm and dragged him out of the tent.

"Wait. Wait. Wait. Ack-" Poor Tony's stammering was stopped by an apple being shoved in his mouth.

The man was then dragged to a post where blood was splattered all over the ground.

"This is where Izinyö tried to kill me." Harry told Tony helpfully.

Tony just struggled some more.

Before he knew it, he was tied to the post and Harry was reading from a long piece of parchment, listing off his "crimes".

"Do you, Mr. Whatsyourface, know and understand why we will be exploding you today?"

"MOMF!"

"I'll take that as a yes." Harry said, the parchment crumbling to ash in his hands.

Tony looked at the ash on the ground in confusion. Are these crazies mutants?

"With the power vested by Lord Death himself, I now say goodbye, and as the witnesses to your demise, plus those two." Harry said, gesturing to two tiny snakes on the ground. One was hissing like crazy while another looked rather confused.

"MMMF!" Tony pleaded.

"We hope you'll have fun in the afterlife." Harry concluded.

Then Izinyö walked out of the tent, hands glowing ominously. A smile of a pure happiness adorned his face.

The snake started hissing more furiously, but went ignored.

"I am most definitely going to enjoy this more than I should." Izinyö said to Harry as he walked beside the man.

"Yes, you most definitely will." Harry answered, hands now glowing as well.

"Do you, Mr. Whatsyourface, have any last words?" Harry asked Tony.

"MMMMMFFF!"

"We'll remember to write that on your tombstone." Izinyö said sarcastically.

"Mr. Whatsyourface's Death in.."

"3."

The two men walked up to the post and stared down at the struggling man.

"2."

The hands were were inches away from Tony's face.

"On-OOOWWW!"

Nobody expected the snake to bite Harry.

Tony watched, wide eyed, as the snake's fangs pumped venom into the Harry's leg.

In no time, Harry was on the ground twitching as a smug snake slithered next to him.

There was a second of horrified silence before Izinyö looked down at the snake slithering next to Harry.

"You know, I'm all for killing Harry when he does something stupid, but what did he do this time?" Izinyö asked the snake in confusion

Tony stared in horrified fascination as he swore on his life that that snake gave Izinyö a death glare worthy of an Olympic medal.

"HIISSSS. HIS ISS HIIS!" The snake hissed before racing over to Izinyö's leg, and wacking it with its tail.

If Tony were a betting man, which he was, (honestly it was starting to become a problem) he would say the snake was admonishing the man in front of him.

Absentmindedly, he noticed Harry had started frothing at the mouth. He wondered if he should _try_ and say something. Then decided that was what you get for trying to make people spontaneously combust.

"What do you mean 'He's Tony Stark so you shouldn't kill him'!?" Izinyö yelled at the snake.

Harry finally stopped twitching. He was dead. Tony really couldn't feel anything more that a spot of pity for the man. A snake bite really wasn't the best way to go.

Tony focussed back on the man arguing with a snake.

"Hiss!"

"So what if he's a famous weapons manufacturer? I've personally killed more important people than him."

 **"HISSS!"**

Were they actually talking about him? Tony knew he heard someone mention his name, and he refused to believe the psycho in front of him was really talking to the poisonous snake. But he **_had_** seen mutants with weirder powers that the ability to talk to animals...

"Hiss." The snake hissed at the psycho before sliding over to Tony with a purpose gleaming in its slitted eyes.

"Well don't blame me if he stomps on you!" Izinyö said to the snake as it slithered past.

The 'he' in question started struggling against the post with an animalistic focus, his eyes showing complete terror. He saw what a bite did to Harry, and he most certainly didn't want that to happen to him.

Nobody noticed the ' _corpse'_ a few feet away starting to shift.

 **A.N. Bam! There is the chapter you guys were waiting so long for! I hope you liked it! It took a much darker turn than I wanted it to.. but you get what you get I guess.**

 **Please REVIEW!. Leave a favorite or follow if you like... But it is of the upmost importance you leave a Review or else I'll never know whether you like this story or not.**

 **Well,**

 _Arrivederci!_

 _Edited on August 20th for a more enjoyable experience..._


	8. Lil' Getty's Interlude

**Hello, Beg457 here. I'm alive and still kicking with a new chapter. This, my lovely little reader is what happens when I've had 5 hours of sleep and need a new branching point to a new chapter. So Read and Enjoy!**

* * *

Hello. My name is Gethsemane Idabelle Jori Lark.

The Speaker calls me Lil' Getty. I am not quite so sure why though. _He_ says it's because The Speaker couldn't remember my full name if I were to put a gun to his head. But I don't really know what a gun is... But I believe it's either something quite dangerous or a type of hat you silly humans wear. Otherwise, why else would you put it on someone's head?

Still, I _would_ feel quite sorry for someone who couldn't even remember my own name. For you must be exceedingly stupid to not remember such a simple name as my own. But then again, The Speaker wouldn't care much for my pity. In fact he only seems to care about a few things in all honesty.

Oh, I guess I forgot to tell you, but if it wasn't _obvious enough,_ I am not.. ugh... **_Human_**.

Man, even the very name you guys came up with sends enough shivers of disgust to rack my poor scales.

And if you're still too slow to realize what I am, I am a snake.

Hiss hiss and all that jazz...

Dear Speaker, you creatures are some of the most speciesist motherfuckers I've ever met.

Honestly, if the Speaker hadn't told me just what you humans hear every time I speak, I would've thought you were intelligent life forms...

But I digress, for this is what do you call it? Ahhh... An interlude. _My_ interlude.

So let's begin!

* * *

I watched the little human squirming in the ropes attached to the post. His eyes were wide in terror as he tried to get away. His face an ashen white that would've looked more fitting on a corpse than on the living.

I gave a hissing sigh.

 _This_ was the infamous Merchant of Death? The Speaker was more intimidating _asleep_ than this guy awake.

Honestly, if it weren't for the fact that this man has a large abundance of the things humans call "Money" I would've let _Him_ and The Speaker blow him up.

But the The Speaker insists on doing that silly little "Magic Show" in the odd place called "New York". (I'm still searching for "Old York"...)

I remembered finding out about this human during my seemingly endless quest on the discovery of human reproduction, and this man would pop up an _obscene_ amount of times.

Apparently this "Tony Stark" could attract any mate without any effort, and as a bonus, lived _in_ "New York".

This was poisoning two birds with one bite!

My quest for Human Mating research could be drastically shortened, all while we found out how to get to this "New York" place for The Speaker!

I was practically vibrating with excitement.

I shook my head for a second, I was babbling about in my own head. I needed to focus.

I stared into the shaking human's eyes and slithered closer. I was only a few inches away from the ropes that wrapped around the human like a weird cousin of mine. He liked to suffocate his prey for some odd reason.

Dear Speaker, I'm getting off track again. I swear, I'm hanging out with that snaklet too much and ending up as scatterbrained as him. I looked at the snaklet in question, who was _still_ sitting where I left him, looking polity confused at the situation. I swear if The Speaker didn't think he was so adorable, I would've _eaten_ him already. That way he wouldn't be _completely_ useless.

 _Damnit! It's happening **again!** _

I shook my head until the world tilted and spun around, waited a few seconds to regain some orientation, and then looked at the ropes again.

I absentmindedly noticed the human looking quite perplexed at my motions, but ignored it for the most part, it didn't matter what this human thought until he could speak.

There! A weak point! I struck faster than lightning and heard the human give a strangled scream as I hit my mark.

The ropes grew taunt for a moment before falling apart.

Tony Stark sat there in stoic amazement, before shaking hands took the apple from his mouth.

He was free, and it was all because of me.

Now, all I had to do was wait for the Speaker to come back, and everything would be good as rain.

I could ask my questions and the human would answer them, because that's how it works when someone saves someone else's life.

The human in question was still sitting there, looking at himself in amazement before he stood up slowly and looked at _Him._

Tony's eyes darted towards where The Speaker's body laid, before coming back to focus on _Him._

Then, he ran.

Wait. What?!

I sat there in mystified petrification.

The human was running away.

He still owed me answers.

And he was still _running away._

The source of my research was currently _running away._

 **$FUCK THAT SHIT!$** I hissed angrily and gave chase to the running human.

My research material wasn't going anywhere until I said so!

* * *

Nobody noticed Harry getting up on one knee and glaring at the snake who bit him, slithering away at speeds thought impossible, chasing after one Tony Stark. Nobody except Izinyö, who actually cowered before the Immortal's rage.

So Lil' Getty thought she could bite him without consequences, eh?

Harry gave a little demented chuckle.

Well, she thought wrong.

Then the Master of Death gave chase to the Snake running after the Merchant of Death.

Which then lead to Izinyö a giving chase to the Master of Death running after Lil' Getty, who was slithering after Tony Stark.

All the while, a tiny viper sat there next to a bloodied post, wondering what the fuck was going on.

 **A.N. Ha! Tony's free, I've finally given one of snake characters a name and personality, and now I'm no longer in a hole called writer's block. This story should progress a lot faster now that I jumped over a few obstacles, those being my snake characters being actual side characters instead of random things popping up once in a while, and how Tony will be forced to take Harry and Izinyö to New York. Because through some backwards logic he owes our characters a life debt. Oh... This is going to be _fun!_**

 **Also remember to _Review, Review,_ and what else? Oh yeah. _REVIEW!_ Also Favorite or Follow if you want to. **

**Well,**

 _Arrivederci!_


	9. Surprisingly, Tony Doesn't Die

**Chello!**

 **Beg457 here!**

 **Sooo... How have you guys been? I see it's been a while since I last updated. Wow, September huh... OkayImSoSorryGuysIHopeYouCanForgiveMe! And to make up for this I've made the longest chapter ever. So read and enjoy!**

"$Friendly reminder, sentences like this are in Parseltongue$ _"_

* * *

Tony looked behind himself in slack-jawed astonishment. The snake was _still following him!_

Now Tony wasn't a herpetologist by any means, and he knew he wasn't the fastest person on the planet. **But,** he was _pretty sure_ that he could outrun a _snake._

Unfortunately, the snake currently gaining on him said otherwise.

Tony just kept running, knowing there really wasn't anyplace to hide, (he _is_ in a desert after all) but he _must_ have a better endurance than the stupid snake. It must have been another minute of constant running (Seriously, was Tony that slow or were snakes that fast?) before he heard a roar consisting of only pure Primal **Rage**.

Tony wasted several milliseconds of precious time to look back and feel his eyes pop out of his skull.

Because running behind him (and gaining ground quite rapidly) was the former corpse of the green eyed man.

He looked _pissed_ _._ Practically _**demonic.**_

Now, Tony wasn't a huge believer of the Supernatural, nor was he a religious man, but when you see the Dead walking(or running and looking like they wanted to commit murder) and snakes slithering at a constant 7 mph, you know something's up.

Tony's scientific mind was absolutely astounded and couldn't wait to figure out how these men committed such atrocities against nature.

Fortunately the man's logical part of his mind won out and made sure to keep this meat sack running.

 _"HIIIISSSS!"_

A tiny yellow blur shot past Tony as if the hounds of hell were chasing it, which wasn't an inapt comparison.

 _'An there goes the Stupid Snake. Hah, that has a rather nice ring to it, better name than whatever the heck Lil' Getty is.'_

 ** _"I SWEAR TO DEATH, IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR SKINNY-ASS TAIL BACK OVER HERE, I'LL TURN YOU INTO A NICE PAIR OF BOOTS AND SELL YOU TO AN 8-YEAR-OLD!"_**

A much bigger, bloodstained blur, shot past the now jogging inventor.

 _ **'** There goes the walking corpse.'_

Tony decided then and there that it would probably be in his best interest to change directions.

The man took a sharp turn left and kept running.

Of course, in his panicked state, the genius forgot something extremely important.

A huge weight suddenly slammed into his back, the breath whooshed out of Tony's lungs before his face hit the sand.

Before Tony could push what ever it was off, he felt two hands catch his wrists and legs straddle his waist. It wasn't long before he was effectively pinned down.

"Oi! Harry, come back here! I finally caught the stupid road runner!" The body on top of him shouted. It didn't take more than a second to realize the body on top of him was the Scary Man, Izinyö.

Of all the people, he forgets the one person who wanted to kill him the most. This better not become a habit.

"WHAT?!" A voice yelled back. He remembered that one's name was Harry.

"I SAID I CAUGHT-Flip, what was your name again? Ugh, juST GET YOUR BUTT OVER HERE! AND STOP STRANGLING LIL' GETTY!" Izinyö shouted once more.

"OKAY, I'M COMING!" Harry yelled.

Then Tony heard a pop and Harry was beside them.

'Ok, this is getting ridiculous, do they just have all the mutant powers combined or something?' Tony thought to himself in disbelief. Because if that were true, then that would totally be the most unfair thing in the existence of things.

"So, I heard you caught a road runner. That must mean we're in Australia, right?"

"I'm sorry, but I didn't catch an _actual_ road runner Harry. I was just referring to the man underneath me as one." Izinyö apologized from above.

Tony coughed up some sand for effect.

A strangled hiss was heard above him. It almost sounded like it was being choked.

 _"_ ** _Harry._ Can you _please_ stop _choking_ Lil' Getty.** " Izinyö said. It wasn't a question.

 _'Guess it was being choked'_

 _"Buuut I waannt tooo."_ Harry _whined._

"Well, we can't always get what we want, _can we Harry?"_ Izinyö snapped out, the last few words bitter in their tone.

A petulant "No." was heard, then a **_"Thump"._**

It took milliseconds before Tony was screeching his head off. Because one second Tony thought he was going to continue breathing in sand, the next the Stupid Snake was right. Next. To. His. Face.

* * *

"For a human, his screams are quite..." Izinyö tried.

"Ear-splitting? Deafening? Intense? Powerful? The very definition of a quintuple _forte?"_

"I was going to say "loud" but those are way better words."

"They do have a startling resemblance to a banshee..."

"Should we shut him up then?"

"Yes. I think for the benefit of the world, we should shut him up."

"Agreed."

 ***SMACK***

* * *

"So, are you going to continue that infernal screaming? Or are we going to have to slap you again?"

Poor Tony just shook his head in the sand in the universal gesture for 'No'. Internally cursing the existence of these 2 psychos above him and the Stupid Snake currently slithering on _TOP_ of him.

"Good. I was _afraid_ we were going to have to resort to violence Mr. Stork." Izinyö muttered sarcastically, his intentions for the opposite made very clear in the tone of his voice. Even though Harry seemed to have forgotten why they were going to execute the little mortal, Death sure hadn't. This man will pay for that atrocious sound. Mark his words.

"So Mr. Stork, it seems like to me you don't understand your current situation." Harry said, interrupting the Supreme Deity's thoughts of homicide.

"Manph at Ood nee?" (And that would be?) Tony asked, pretty sure that he just swallowed a gallon of sand with that one question.

"It's quite simple really, Lil' Getty here saved your life, granted we were the ones endangering it in the first place, but she still saved it regardless."

"Meaphming?" (Meaning?)

"You owe her your life, simple as that." Izinyö added unhelpfully.

"Okay, what Izinyö _meant to say,_ is in the moment that **she,"** Harry pointed at the small snake still slithering on the billionaire's back. "Saved your life, the ambient magic in the air and within us forced you into an unspoken binding contract. Basically until you save her life, or she collects on the debt for something she finds worth your life, you're basically her own personal flying monkey."

"Wamf?" Tony asked incredulously, looking up at Harry as if he just told him something completely crazy.

"Izinyö, please get off of him. I can't take him seriously when he's digesting sand every time he talks..." Harry asked polity, wondering if he might need to actually _order_ the Supreme Deity. The DeathGlare™ directed at him said he might.

As if Izinyö could see where Harry's thoughts were going, his glare hardened a bit. No longer a DeathGlare™, but now a MEGADEATHGLARE™.

The deity huffed in disappointment when he realized Harry wasn't going to budge on the issue before slowly getting up and shifting off of the billionaire under him.

Tony quickly sat up, before immediately doubling over and coughing up sand.

Izinyö just looked down at the mortal hacking up his lungs smugly. _Sure,_ it was petty, but if Death couldn't get his revenge with a messy death, then he would get it in the most petty of ways. Sand in the lungs was only the tip of the iceberg in Izinyö's plan for revenge.

Finally, Tony stopped coughing, his eyes watering from his body's previous effort in expelling everything in his lungs. The inventor looked up at his new (completely insane) captors grimly.

"Try to escape and I'll make sure not even an atom is left of you." Izinyö flatly stated. It wasn't a threat, just a fact.

Harry sent a quick blink-and-you-miss-it glare at Izinyö. He was trying to _explain the situation,_ and the Supreme Deity wasn't helping.

Harry turned to look at the sitting mortal below him. He put on a calm smile before continuing his explanation.

"Lucky for you, she is a researcher, and you have valuable intel on her... _Subject,"_ Harry continued, but pulled a rather odd face on that last word.

Tony didn't know how to feel about that.

"This _information_ is important to her, way more than something as _trivial_ as your life. Plus you know how to get to New York. If you tell us these few a things, then that should pay the dept." Harry told the captive human with a serene grin.

 **"Or,** we could just try _this."_ Izinyö cackled, murderous delight made obvious with his unhinged grin. The Supreme Deity's eyes lit up with sadistic glee as he summoned his scythe to the mortal realm.

Before Tony's disbelieving eyes a _12-foot-tall_ **scythe** shimmered to existence. The genius forgot the tiny detail of Izinyö now having a sharp, _pointy_ weapon that he was probably going to _stab_ him with, in favor of the fact that that scythe just _**appeared.**_

Once it appeared though, Tony was once again surprised. Instead of stabbing _him,_ Izinyö _turned around,_ and swung the weapon at the tiny viper still trying to catch its breath on the floor.

Then time seemed to stop, everything froze. Every instinct within the Tony _screamed._ Before the man could think, his body moved with its own accord on top of the snake. He only had the foresight to close his eyes and wait for the pain, then the (most likely) blackness of his death

He opened them when he heard a big _"Thump"_ instead.

The genius blinked at the sight before him.

"YOU FLIPPIN' _IDIOT!_ I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO USE THE LIFE DEBT AS LEVERAGE! BECAUSE OF YOU WE ALMOST COULDN'T EVEN _DO_ THAT BECAUSE HE WAS JUST ABOUT TO SAVE LIL' GETTY'S LIFE!"

Izinyö was cowering. Hunched over and making deadly-but-inaccurate swipes with his scythe at the angry blur attacking him. All the while Harry shouted his head off.

"IN ALL MY YEARS- YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE _SENSIBLE_ ONE! NOT THE ONE TO MAKE HAIR BRAINED SCHEMES BECAUSE SOMEONE HURT YOUR EARS!"

 ** _WHACK!_**

Huh, Tony wondered where the rolled up newspaper came from.

"-ABSOLUTE PIECE OF SHI- LOOK, EVEN THE TINY VIPER IS APPALLED BY YOUR ACTIONS!"

Tony looked down at the "tiny viper" (the flippin' thing was at least 6 feet long) underneath him. The poor thing looked genuinely horrified, as if it knew what, _exactly,_ had almost occurred.

"SERIOUSLY, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF! **(Whack!)** NOT ONLY DID YOU INDIRECTLY TRY TO **(Whack!)** MURDER OUR ONLY **(Whack!)** LEAD TO NEW YORK, YOU COULD'VE ACCIDENTALLY KILLED **(Whack!)** LIL' GETTY AS WELL! **(Whack!)** _LITERALLY_ AFTER YOU TOLD ME **(Whack!)** _**I**_ **(Wh** **ack!)** COULDN'T **(Whack!)** STRANGLE **(Whack!)** HER!" Harry scolded the still cowering Supreme Deity. Some words followed by a hard smack with a newspaper.

"Hiss?"

Tony looked away from the spectacle towards the viper under him.

"I don't even know." Tony told the snake, trying to convince himself he _wasn't_ insane in the process.

The snake didn't respond, and he didn't expect it to, instead slithering out from under him so it could see the two psychos better.

Finally, it seemed like Harry was done trying to murder Izinyö with a newspaper and looked over at the shellshocked billionaire.

Harry's eyes softened at the sight of a curious Lil' Getty and a scared Toby(?).

The Immortal let out a long sigh, while Izinyö crawled out of his fetal position in the sand.

Harry slowly approached the human before him, careful to leave his hands in plain sight at all times before crouching down in front of Timothy(?).

At the small flinch his action caused Harry felt a stab of shame hit him.

"Teddy would be ashamed if he could see me right now." Harry muttered before getting back to the most likely traumatized human in front of him.

"Now, believe it or not, Mr. Stork, we are not going to hurt you." Harry said softly. "Now I know your probably scared, and who wouldn't be in your situation, but we really do need your help right now. Plus, in return we will try to get rid of that pesky little life debt you have there. Would that be ok? If not, you can just leave and be on your way. This time we won't stop you."

Tony looked suspiciously at the man in front of him who kept calling him Mr. Stork for some odd reason. He looked sincere in his intentions, but that only made him even more suspicious. What's with the big turn around? Why did he start giving a shit about him now? It didn't seem like he even knew who he was. Tony shook his head of his previous thoughts and turned back to the offer given.

Pros: If they keep their end of the bargain (pretty slim chance though it seems), he won't try and use his own body as a meat shield for this _snake,_ and he might even have a little water.

Cons: He still doesn't know what "information" they want in exchange for this "Life Debt" to be removed. So this could be another Ten Rings situation but **worse.**

Tony sighed as he realized he didn't really have a choice. If he didn't go with this little scheme, he'd probably die of heatstroke, or worse, protecting the snake from an actual roadrunner.

Tony sighed before looking back at Harry.

"What do you want in exchange for this Life Debt to be fulfilled or whatever?" He croaked.

Harry gained a look of pure happiness before grabbing a pale stick from his tattered robes.

A flick of the stick and a cup filled with clear water **appeared from absolutely nowhere.** The man handed Tony the scientific abomination.

"How di-?"

"Just drink it."

Thoughts of poison didn't even register before Tony was drinking from the seemingly endless glass of fresh water.

"Now I must thank you Mr. Stork for your cooperation. When you'rer finished we can get right to business." Harry said politely

A few minutes passed and Tony finished drinking his **actually** endless glass of water.

"Earlier I mentioned how Lil' Getty here was a scientist of sorts and you have intel on her _subject._ How the subject was even more important to her than your own life. Correct?" Harry clarified.

Tony gave a hesitant nod, waiting for that final shoe to drop...

"What I neglected to tell you was the _subject_ itself. Which shouldn't be too hard for you considering your **_expertise_** on the _subject_ according to Lil' Getty here." Harry said. Was that a blush on the man's cheeks? Why would there be a bl-

Tony had a bad feeling about this.

"Lil' Getty wants to know the mating habits of humans, and how they procreate. She wants to compare detailed notes with you on the _subject."_ Harry finished with his face looking pointedly away from the snake and Tony.

Tony looked stunned before his brain put the pieces together.

"Oh." Was his only response before a small, hysterical chuckle racked his body.

"Oh!" He repeated, laughing even harder.

 _This_ was the elusive subject worth more than his own life? He had to admit, he was very _knowledgeable_ on the act of human procreation. But...

"Seriously? You need my help explaining sex to a snake?" Tony asked incredulously. Harry looked to be at the least 22, and no man remained that _innocent_ for so long.

"Yes." Harry deadpanned. As if that was obvious.

At Tony's look of pure bewilderment Harry elaborated.

"Let's just say Izinyö and I are not from here. We have no idea if _you people_ do **_things_** differently here."

"Wait, is this like a religious thing? Are you guys celibate?" Tony asked.

"N-"

"Yes!" Izinyö butted in hastily. Ignoring Harry's dirty look at being interrupted in the process.

"You see, Lil' Getty here wants **_detailed_** notes on the subject. Considering Harry and I haven't even performed the _act_ for ourselves, and neither of us have actually tried to court another human being, it would be hard to explain such a thing to her." Izinyö explained. Waving his hands in the air for emphasis at times.

"Sure. Lets go with that." Harry said, nodding along with the explanation.

"So, all I have to do is give this snake The Talk, tell you the general direction New York is, and then you will let me go, with the "Life Debt thingy" gone."

"Yep." Harry stated, popping the 'p'.

"Granted, you don't have to tell us where New York is, just discuss with Lil' Getty, and your Life Debt will be resolved." Izinyö added helpfully (for once).

Tony nodded to himself and looked down at the snake in his lap. Feeling a little silly he asked its thoughts on the situation.

"Hiss, isssss, is ssss." Lil' Getty remarked thoughtfully.

"She said this deal is satisfactory." Harry translated for Troy(?)'s benefit.

"So, should I tell her now, or later?" Tony asked.

"The faster we get rid of you the better. That way I won't be tempted to kill you." Izinyö muttered just loud enough for everyone to hear him.

Tony shuddered before slowly picking up the snake and setting it down beside him.

Harry quickly conjured a large white board on a stand and some multicolored dry erase markers.

Tony decided to just go with it before his brain exploded. He walked over to the board and grabbed a marker before looking at his serpenty student and translator.

"So, what to you know about the human reproductive system?"

* * *

 **4 Hours Later...**

"Hissss." Lil' Getty said in awe. Everything now made sense to her. It saddened her that a lot of her previous research was incorrect, never realising that mammals were built so _different,_ but she felt a little better that a nice chunk of her speculation wasn't. This new information dump was an enormous boost in the right direction.

"What did she say Harry?" Tony asked, taking a sip from his logic defying glass of water.

"Nothing, she just said 'Wow.'" Harry answered, chuckling a little.

 _"$So, is this all the same for you?$"_ Lil' Getty asked Harry.

 _"Yeah, thankfully. I was a little scared that a different dimension meant different junk and stuff."_ Harry hissed back, his tone quite relieved. It would have sucked trying to use the restroom and it turned out toilets were made a bit differently to compensate for different _stuff._

 _"Sooo,_ is this enough information to get rid of the Life Debt dohicky?" Tony asked the snake excitedly.

 _"$Is it?$"_ Harry asked his snake hopefully. He could only take so much talk about the human reproductive system and Tony's _exploits._

 _"Can you go over anything he missed? You told me you had some hatchlings once."_ Lil' Getty inquired thoughtfully as she poured over the notes and diagrams she asked Harry to write. The Immortal was nice like that.

Harry thought for a moment. Now that he knew the _process_ was the same here as it was in his own dimension, it couldn't hurt to explain stuff Tony missed. Because while Tony seemed very knowledgeable about human mating rituals, and even the mating itself, he knew squat about child rearing. Which was a good half of what Lil' Getty wanted to know. Plus, the snake wanted to know the female end of things, which Harry knew about after a Prank War with George that went _very_ wrong.

 _"$Yeah. I can go over the stuff he missed.$"_

 _"$Then I guess I can say he repaid his debt.$"_ Lil' Getty then looked over at Tony who was staring down at the snake expectantly.

 _"$You are free from you debt Mr. Tony Stark.$"_

A flash of light and Tony looked exactly the same as before.

"Wait, your name is Tony Stark?" Harry asked, absolutely flabbergasted.

"You got rid of it then?" Izinyö stated out of nowhere, interrupting Tony's response, and startling everyone.

"Good Gravy, Izinyö! Where did you even come from?" Harry asked, hand clutching his rapidly beating heart. _(Not literally though, that would be a little gross)_

Izinyö looked down at the people in front of him before answering slowly.

"I went to pack up camp and picked up someone that you all seemed to have forgotten." Pointing at the backpack on his back, and the now noticeable viper around his throat.

Tony took a step back as Harry practically bowled Izinyö over trying to get to juvenile snake around his neck.

The man looked down at Lil' Getty.

"Can I leave now?" Tony asked.

The snake nodded, waving her tail in the opposite direction of the figure of Harry sitting on top of Izinyö and cooing apologies at the snake in his arms.

"Can I bring the cup with me?" A finger pointed at the Impossible Cup sitting next to the white board hopefully.

The snake gave an odd looking shrug. Mostly because snakes don't have shoulders.

Tony clapped his hands, making the two Immortal beings look over at him.

"Well, it was nice meeting you Lil' Getty, Harry, Izinyö," An acknowledging nod was given at each name. "But time sure does fly when your having fun so I'll take my leave and this Impossible Cup."

With that statement, Tony started his long trek to Anywhere But Here.

He had only moved about a 20 ft. before he heard a shout.

"THE CLOSEST SETTLEMENT IS EAST OF HERE, YOU'RE HEADING NORTH!" Harry helpfully yelled to him.

"THANK YOU HARRY! WHICH WAY IS EAST?" Tony asked.

"IT'S TO YOUR RIGHT!"

"THANKS! GOODBYE GUYS!

With his goodbyes said and a drink from his Impossible Cup, Tony was truly free.

* * *

"So, we're just going to let him go?" Izinyö asked from his spot beneath Harry.

"Yep."

"But he didn't tell us where New York is, how will we do your magic show in Central Park now?"

"Eh, we'll figure it out."

 _"$I wouldn't count on that.$"_ Lil' Getty muttered to herself. She let out an outraged hissed when Harry threw a marker at her.

"Now what? We don't even know where we are. For all we know, we're in the Sahara." Izinyö said petulant.

"Nah, the Sahara's sandy, not a dry stony landscape. Maybe we're in Nevada or Mexico?" Harry offered.

 _"Where ever we are it's certainly not this New York place you've been blubbering about."_ Lil' Getty hissed.

"Here's a thought, that Mr. Stork guy is only a few miles away," Izinyö sat up in his excitement, ignoring Harry's yelp as his chair suddenly moved. "We can catch up to him easily and force the information out of him." Izinyö told the others happily. The Supreme Being heading for a rock outcropping with even more shade.

"Seriously? Have you never heard the phrase you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar? Also, what's up with you and trying to kill Mr. Tony? Are you _still_ holding a grudge about the whole eardrum busting thing?" Harry asked a little pointedly, following Izinyö under the rock. The snakes followed the two.

"YES! THAT MAN MADE THAT ATROCIOUS SOUND AND HE WILL DIE SCREAMING AN EVEN WORSE SOUND!" Izinyo shouted, as if _Harry_ was the crazy one.

"CAN'T YOU JUST LET THAT GO? HE ALREADY APOLOGIZED!" Harry shouted back, the sound echoing a little.

 _"$Guys?$"_ A tiny voice hiised out in concern.

"NO! I AM THE MOST POWERFUL PERSONIFICATION OF DEATH ITSELF, AND I WILL NOT LET SOME MERE MORTAL GET AWAY WITH HURTING MY EARS!"

 _"Guys, I think that Tony-guy wrote something for us."_ The voice of the snakelet continued.

"DO YOU EVEN _HEAR_ YOURSELF? THAT IS THE MOST STUPID AND IMMATURE SENTENCE I'VE EVER HEARD!"

 _"$Hey Guys?$"_

"OH? AS IF _YOUR_ ONE TO TALK ABOUT MATURITY, MISTER "I'VE ONLY LIVED A FEW EONS SO I KNOW EVERYTHING!"'

 _"$Darn. I don't think they can hear me Lil' Getty.$"_

"FIRST OFF, NEVER ONCE HAVE I USED MY _AGE_ TO _JUSTIFY ANYTHING_ SINCE MY CHILDREN PASSED ON, SO YOU CAN SHOVE THAT IDIOTIC REASONING UP YOUR OLD BONY ARSE!"

 _"$That's because you have the voice of a claustrophobic bird who hates confrontation_ _. Honestly I should do the world a favor and eat you already.$"_

 _"$Oh.$"_

"OH, THOSE ARE FIGHTING WORDS! DO YOU WANNA GO?"

"I CAN BEAT YOU ANY DAY OF THE WEEK, JUST GIVE ME A TIME AND PLACE!

"FUNNY YOU SHOULD MENTION THAT, BECAUSE NEITHER OF US KNOW WHERE WE ARE, SO I CAN'T REALLY DO THAT! I WONDER WHOSE FAULT THAT IS?"

"OH, DO THE UNIVERSE A FAVOR AND JUST SHUT YOUR FUC-!"

 _ **"$THAT IS ENOUGH!$"**_

The two beings of Unlimited Cosmic Power fell silent.

 _"$I've had enough of you two acting like newborn hatchlings! If you two idiots payed attention to anything you'd realize the Stupid Snakelet was trying to tell you something!$"_ Lil' Getty chastised, letting out a frustrated huff afterwords. _"$Now I don't know if your feeble minds can handle it, but I want you two to stay quiet and listen to what **others** have to say.$"_ Lil' Getty finished, waving her tail at the "Stupid Snakelet".

The Two immortals looked down at the tiny viper in question, staying quiet as asked.

 _"$Well, I-I just wanted to tell you guys the M-Mr. Tony wrote something d-down on the board.$"_ The snake stuttered out. He _really_ didn't like being put on the spot like that.

Lil' Getty scoffed at such _prey_ behavior.

"Would you like us to read the board then?" Harry asked.

"$ _Yes please.$"_

Both immortals turned to the board, sitting a bit from their shady rock. A wave of a hand and the board was under the rock with them.

With a nod of appreciation at Harry (nobody wanted to go back and get it) the small group looked at what Mr. Tony wrote in Green marker.

 **NEW YORK IS NORTH-EAST OF AFGHANISTAN**

 **GOOD LUCK!**

 **; p**

"Nice. That solves all our problems!" Harry told Izinyö happily.

"How do we know we're in Afghanistan?" Izinyö asked, always (in Harry's opinion) the annoying skeptic.

"$ _Why would he lie about that?$"_ The Tiny viper asked.

 _"$Because these two idiots tried to kill him multiple times Stupid Snakelet.$"_

"Okay, enough of that. You know his name is Tom the 3rd, in the honor of Tom Riddle Jr. Stop calling him stupid snakelet." Harry scolded. Shaking

 _"$I still think Stupid Snakelet rolls off the tongue better_.$" Lil' Getty mumbled in rebellion.

"No, it doesn't and you know it. Now be nice to Tom." Harry told the viper, arms crossed.

"But Lil' Getty does raise a valuable point." Izinyö interjected.

"Don't tell me you seriously believe thar "Stupid Snakelet" rolls off the tongue better than Tom."

"No, not that. About the fact that maybe we're not in Afghanistan."

"Well, all we have to do is walk north for a bit. If we see any animals from Afghanistan we'll know we're in Afghanistan. If we don't, but see animals from _other_ places, then we'll know we're not in Afghanistan. Simple." Harry explained.

"And by walk you mean..." I

"Teleport yes. We're not _Barbarians."_ Harry answered.

 _"So_ , that's our plan. Teleport north until we can't, or we find out where we are."

"Yep." Harry nodded an affirmative.

Izinyö thought for a moment and shrugged.

"Good enough for me." He said.

"Let's put to a vote. All in favor say 'Aye!'"

"Aye." _"$Aye.$"_ "Aye." _"$Aye.$"_

"All opposed?"

Silence.

"Okay then, Plan "Teleport Til We Make It" is a go! Izinyö I'll help you get the snakes into the backpack." Harry said moving over to the Supreme Being. He picked up Tom who was closer to him, while Izinyö picked up Lil' Getty.

"Thanks Harry."

"You're welcome. Also, I'm sorry for yelling at you." Harry told him while maneuvering Tom into the bag where he wouldn't get squished.

"It's fine, I'm the one who started it, so I'm sorry too." Izinyö muttered, a little ashamed of himself. He was Death himself, you'd think he'd have a little more self control.

Harry took Lil' Getty from Izinyö's hands, setting her in a different pocket from Tom, close enough to see and talk to each other, but far enough where she won't eat him.

"Don't worry, it's fine. Hold still for a moment." Harry moved behind Izinyö so he could see the backpack better. He grabbed his wand and waved it a few times adding cooling, heating(for the snakes), and weightless charms on the backpack. After a little consideration he added at noise dampening charm and turned it a nice pink pastel with a pretty lime bow. He left the straps alone so Izinyö couldn't see the color.

Nodding to himself he moved back in front of Izinyö and gave him a thumbs up.

"We're ready to go?" Izinyö asked.

"Yep, just grab my hand and we'll start teleporting."

"My, how forward of you Harry, you haven't even bought me dinner yet, and you're already taking me places." Izinyö gushed dramatically, offering his hand and pretending to swoon.

Harry just laughed and grabbed his hand.

The two disappeared with a pop.

Things were starting to look up.

* * *

Tony took a sip of his water. He had dumped a good gallon over his head earlier, relishing the feel of cool water over his skin.

He remembered watching a documentary (Wild Kratts counts as a documentary series right?) on how animals licked themselves and when the saliva evaporated they were significantly cooler.

While he didn't have buckets of saliva, he did have this unending supply of water.

After a bit of walking and trying to keep cool he saw a cluster of brown shrubbery. It wasn't much but it was shady, and so worth the scratches when he lied down to rest for a bit. He must have dozed or something because one minute he closed his eyes and in the next he opened them to sun significantly closer to the horizon and the sound of something loud.

Something that sounded suspiciously like helicopter blades.

Tony whipped his head around to squint at the horizon, heart pounding. There! In the air, a small black dot slowly appeared in his field of vision.

He went to jump to his feet and start waving his arms like they were limp noodles before he stopped. Wait a minute, what if it was the Ten Rings, or worse, some random terrorist group he has no idea about? The helicopter blades beat louder as they flew closer to his position under the bushes. Anxiety slowly built up in Tony's chest, climbing higher as the helicopters came closer. "What if" scenarios plagued his mind, each one worse than the last.

Tony felt his heart stop as he saw the American flags on the tail ends of the helicopters as they passed overhead. His head thudded onto the ground as his body collapsed in relief as the helicopters began to turn, apparently having seen him on the ground. Tony almost felt like crying.

Tony got out from under his bush with a white knuckled grip on his glass, as out of nowhere Rhodey was running up to him with a squadron of soldiers following closely behind him. This time Tony did feel tears of relief escape at seeing his best friend.

His look of relief was mirrored by Rhodey as the Lieutenant Colonel slowed to a stop in front of him and put his hands on Tony's shoulders.

"How was the 'fun-vee'?" Rhodey asked, voice strained. "Next time," he said sternly, almost choking up, "you ride with me."

Tony couldn't do anything but nod back in acceptance, before wrapping his arms around the man in a bone-crushing hug. Not noticing the sloshing glass slam and splash unforgivingly into his best friends back.

Later Tony would be grateful for whatever voodoo Harry did that kept the cup from shattering in that moment.

That might have been embarrassing.

* * *

 **BOOM! HOW'S THAT FOR A LONGER UPDATE! OVER 5,400 WORDS OF PURE CONTENT! Our Tony arc has been brought to a close, we now know that Harry's original dimension was more or less the same to the avengers one, with some key differences, but luckily none in the biology department. We've learned Tom's name without an extremely short interlude, and Izinyö didn't murder Tony! Yay!**

 **Next up our *Cough* *Cough* Heroes will meet Bruce Banner the Incredible Hulk.**

 **(I was thinking maybe Loki next but decided against it. I think we might just save best for last?)**

 **So remember guys, PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW, PUT SOME CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM IN THERE TOO! I REALLY NEED IT! Also leave a follow or a favorite if you want. BUT PLEASE GIVE ME THOSE SWEET REVIEWS!**

 **Well,**

 _Arrivederci!_


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